It’s a regular Friday morning, you check your Facebook page and there it is: another engagement announcement. You’re trying to be cool and pretend like you don’t care, but here come the stages of engagement salt.
Your Face When You Read The Post
You’re trying to be happy for your girl, but you can’t quite manage to crack a smile.
Hold On, Let Me Read This Again
Yup, that’s the ring, that’s the engagement cheese and that’s the sound of your “when am I going to get engaged?!” clock going TICK, TICK, TICK.
Zoom In On The Ring
Click like, comment “beautiful,” secretly shade the size.
Start Snacking
Big family meals aren’t the only reason single women gain weight over the holiday season.
Try Not to Think About How Single You Are
It may be time for a “woosah.”
Get Mad At Her
Who’s going to hit the club with you now that she’s single? Selfish.
Call to Congratulate Her
She sounds way too happy. It’s starting to feel shady on your side of the phone.
Try To Sound Happy Anyway
But you both heard that flat note in “congratulations.”
Is She Done Talking About This Already?
We’ve already been over this part of the engagement story twice.
Pretend You’re Cool
You’re totally fine. You don’t even really believe in marriage anyway…
Get Confused
Because you really should be married now…you’re at least as fabulous as that chick.
Secretly Shade Her Dude
If you lowered your standards, you’d be married now too.
Get Angry With Your Dude
Now you’re playing “Put A Ring On It” on repeat and giving him the side eye.
“What is the matter with you?”
“Nuthin'”
Start Drinking
With the help of a little vodka, you’ll sober up tomorrow, shake off the salt and feel happy for your friend.
