When it comes to the family unit the stepparent is entering, they can benefit from seeing themselves as a co-star but not the leading role. They have a supporting role in this family unit, and rather than try to lead the charge, are better off helping along whatever decision the main players have decided is best for the family. Moore says, “When it comes to parenting step-children it is important to be a supportive resource to the child and the biological parent. Do not take on the role of authoritarian or disciplinarian. This can create discord in the family. Taking on the role as a supportive spouse and step-parent can create a positive connection in the family.”
The biological parent/child relationship is clear. Everyone knows their roles. Everyone knows the expectations. Maybe not everybody fulfills those roles and expectations all of the time, but even then, it’s usually somewhat clear who did what wrong. There are centuries of built-in guidelines for that relationship. That’s just not so for the stepparent one
Unfortunately, my sister and I have to protect ourselves by unbundling our finances from our dad’s. He was generous enough, when we were younger, to add us as authorized users on two of his credit cards, should we ever need them in an emergency. But, she is also on those cards, and is running up a big tab that could damage our credit scores. So, we’ve asked him to remove us from said cards.
A parental split or divorce is an unfortunate reality for many children these days and, sadly, the kids are the ones who suffer the trauma of having to split their lives between two places.