relationship issues

Idris Elba shared that he used to throw anger tantrums at the beginning of his relationship with Sabrina Dhowre.

You’ve been sending out resumes like crazy and taking job interviews left and right, on Zoom and in person. You get to the second and third round of interviews. Things feel so close, so many times, and then…nothing. Crickets. You learn that they hired somebody else. You’re meeting your wit’s end. You just don’t know what you’re doing wrong, and you’re struggling to maintain any sense of hope. You want your partner’s comfort and support. Instead, he pulls up your resume and Linkedin profile and starts giving you notes. He suggests conducting a fake job interview so he can see what you’ve been doing wrong.

Dr. Laura Louis, PhD, founder of Atlanta Couples Therapy, discussed with us some of the common issues couples are facing during this odd time in history. You may find that your conflicts are more common, and less alarming, than you thought.

when things get really tough and you don’t get to ignore the issue – like when a pandemic takes you away from your friends, causes financial stress, and even potentially causes health issues – you can’t brush it under the rug. You have to deal with it

It’s important to be aware of that, because accidentally hurting his ego can cause a huge fight. You probably mean well, but the mind of a financially-challenged man is complicated.

Usually, in life, the very thing that will help us become stronger and more stable is also the thing that is the least fun and the least convenient…in the moment. Later, it pays off in dividends. But in the moment, it requires self-discipline, because it’s not fun.

Any time you want to blame your partner for some mistake, ask yourself what’s more important: fixing that thing, or having a good relationship. If you find that he forgot to hit the pre-rinse on the dishwasher, is it more important to say something about that right now, or to just…get along for the night?

You find yourself thinking a lot before you speak to your partner. That’s important to do in most areas of life, but your relationship should be the one place you can speak with no filter. But still, you find yourself thinking twice before saying something, or choosing your words carefully, for fear your partner will misunderstand you.

It’s important to keep working on yourself, even when you’re in a relationship. But you are still in a relationship, so when you work on yourself, it’s something you can share in with your partner. If you’re taking an evening class or joining a book club or traveling to a place you’ve never been, include your partner. Many people make the mistake of keeping their self-improvement to themselves, and being quite private about it. But that leaves their partner feeling left out and isolated.

This happens all of the time: I’m trying to make plans with a friend, she suggests a couple of different nights, I’m free on all of them, but I’d <em>like </em>to see what my partner has planned, since we haven’t had a date night in a long time. I try to talk to him about it, but he’s “tired” or “doesn’t want to look at one more piece of logistics today” and won’t give me an answer. Meanwhile, my friend is on the other line, waiting for an answer. She needs to plan her life, which I, as a planner, totally understand. So I just pick a date.

You find yourself calling friends a lot to consult them about what you should do about your relationship problems. In fact, a lot of your time with friends consists of you talking about your relationship problems.

Maybe you aren’t happy with yourself. Maybe you aren’t working towards your goals in the way you want to. It could be because you’re scared or you aren’t confident in yourself. So, naturally, you’d date men who also aren’t progressing towards their goals.