As a teenager, I’d say all sorts of nasty things to my parents. We all did. We’d tell them we hated them. We’d tell them they were stupid. Luckily, they’re parents, and they won’t abandon you over being a typical bratty teen. But my mom would warn me not to say things like that to others – not to end things on a bad note. “Don’t burn bridges. You never know when you’ll need to cross one again.” I went into my twenties feeling fully justified in telling off bad bosses when I quit, not realizing I’d later need a reference. I said everything on my mind during friend breakups, not realizing that ex-friend may one day be the hiring party at a company I interviewed for. You just don’t know how life will play out, and you rarely get anything good from burning bridges. But you will often wish you hadn’t.
“Many daughters feel like their mothers made mistakes in the past that cost them to this day. Mistakes that the daughters are left to deal with entirely and vice versa. Some had a lacking parental relationship, weren't emotionally available, fussed too much, didn't allow room for personal growth, or freedoms. It really doesn't matter the grievance…there is some feeling of negligence leaving a gap in their adult life. But the first step to making any change is admittance. Sitting for a moment to say, ‘This or that bothered me and here is why.’ Because once we acknowledge that there is an issue, only then can we address it with hopes of healing and change.”
When my mom visits me, if I don’t give her my entire attention—if I dare to step away for a work call—she starts pointing out that I don’t have many photos of her in the house. “Don’t you want people to know you love your mother?” she’ll ask.
Applying for internships, doing internships, applying for those first jobs, going out for interviews, getting that first job—your mom has cheered you on through it all. She has called to see how the interview went. She has looked over your resume. She never let you feel alone with this.
I also remind my mom that I would much rather have a partner who is emotionally, mentally, and physically present than a super rich partner who is always at work or thinking about work when he isn’t there.
It’s great when you and your daughter get into a deep, tearful, emotionally complex conversation. But some mothers—certainly my own—seems to believe that our interaction wasn’t meaningful unless we had a meaningful conversation. It’s okay to sometimes just talk about shopping and movies. It’s still time spent together.
A mother lost her cool when confronting her daughter's father about letting his fiancé comb their daughter's hair.
After18 years apart, Shanara Mobley says she's not speaking to her daughter because she wants to maintain a relationship with her kidnapper.
Mothers and daughters are out here doing it, together.
Girls and women are sensitive—for better or worse. As we become women, we learn to hone our sensitivity—to use it for good and to harness it into empathy. We learn to become tougher in the face of criticism. But little girls are just…so raw.
I always thought our relationship would take even more of a backseat with her first grandchild, but it actually did the opposite.