Does he have a small, core crew for whom he would do anything? Does he have perhaps not many friends but very good friends? There is loyalty and history there. They know each other very well and love to spend time together. Or, does he have lots of surface friends?
It should always feel like your partner wants to do the best job taking care of you aka the most thorough. It shouldn’t feel like he’s just trying to get it over with—this caretaker task—so he can get back to his life. So, for example, if you ask him to get you soup, he shouldn’t come back four minutes later because he just went to the liquor store and got the grossest can of soup, so he wouldn’t have to drive to the place with the good stuff.
He often lectures you on door safety. He tells you to never answer for anyone you weren’t expecting. He tells you that it’s okay to be rude and tell the person to go away. He tells you that even if the person says they’re in trouble, you should stay indoors, and just call the police for the person. It’s sweet—he doesn’t want anyone pulling a fast one on you.
A nurturer sees it as his job to keep you happy, just like you see it as your job to keep your partner happy. If you even hint that he has let you down in some way, he’ll immediately be on the task of fixing it.
While he’ll always listen to your feelings, he will be strong enough to tell you when you are wrong. If you’re clearly the one at fault in a work dispute or a fight with a friend, he will (gently) tell you so. He wants you to grow and be the best version of yourself so he won’t enable unhealthy behaviors and thought patterns by just saying you’re always right.
He will talk to you about the future. More importantly, when he discusses the future he envisions for himself, you’re always a part of that vision. If he, for example, likes the idea of living on a ranch one day, he’ll say little things like, “And you’d love it because we could get you tons of animals.”
Before saying yes to every invitation for the month, sit down with your partner and look at your calendars. Find your limited shared free days, and block those out for each other. If you don’t do this, you may accidentally fill up your days, and miss the days you could spend together.
When you mention that, on a certain day, you have a really important meeting, or will mourn the anniversary of the passing of a family pet, he jots it down in his calendar. He just wants to make sure he reaches out on that day.
When you have just had a rough day and need to blast Lady Gaga and dance around your apartment, your partner pulls up Pandora for you. And he doesn’t care that the rather macho neighbor lifting weights hears it.
If anything you want to do with your friends, job, or any other part of your life would leave your partner hurt or neglected, that’s something you seriously consider.
Ah women; we always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. And, since we choose girlfriends based on who will be honest with us, tell it like it is and help us be our best selves, it’s only natural that we want boyfriends who do the same. But it’s that mentality that enables […]
You know you’re not going to die from a cold or the flu. But that doesn’t change the fact that it sure feels like you will when it’s happening! A partner really shows his true colors when you are sick. Anybody can be a rockstar boyfriend when their girlfriend is energized, perky, up for sex, […]