Multiracial friendship's may be more difficult to maintain in the midst of the misogyny, racism, and xenophobia of the Trump administration.
Having older friends gives you privileged access to hard-earned life lessons and wisdom.
Don’t squander friend time making these mistakes that will definitely get you uninvited on the next girls trip.
There are many reasons we might hold on to friendships that make us feel less than great, but it's important to evaluate whether that relationship is doing you any good.
Radical honesty ain’t for everybody or every relationship; even though it should be.
Another way flakes try to get credit for showing up is by showing up so incredibly late that they may as well not have shown up at all. I used to have a friend like this. I’d invite her to dinner parties going from 7 to 10pm. She’d show up at 9:45 when I was cleaning dishes.
Maybe in the past, if your friends bailed on your plans because they met a B-list celebrity who invited them to go on his yacht right in the middle of your birthday party, you forgave it. You totally understood their need to go yachting with that celebrity to miss your birthday party. Today you value close friendships over social climbing, and see that behavior as messed up.
“Wow, your friends are like…really nice” my childhood friend, who was visiting from out of town, said in awe after attending a small girl’s night I’d put together in her honor. I wanted her to meet the other wonderful women who’d come into my life throughout the years when her and I had kept up […]
She’ll take you in whenever you need it. If you’re alone for the holidays, she’ll take you in. If your home is undergoing renovations and you need a quiet place to stay, she’ll take you in. You’re always invited to her family events, even when you’ll be the only person there who isn’t a blood relative. Her home is a place you can just go, and feel welcome—without needing to put on any airs.
Their dating lives may be a bit of a mess. They’re sleeping with exes and bosses and waking up in weird places and missing work to go yachting with a random man they just met. Okay. That’s fine. You don’t make them feel bad for those choices. But they make you feel bad for having a stable relationship. They tell you you’re becoming boring or old and say things like, “Oh good for you—no STD scares in years—how responsible.” Wait…what did you do wrong?
When I was anorexic, I made a great friend in a woman about a decade older than myself who recognized what I was going through. She reached out. She wasn’t pushing her advice onto me. She just gently made some comments that let me know she saw what I was going through, and she gave me her number. I didn’t heal over night, but there were so many times that phone number was a lifeline for me, when I felt completely underwater with my eating disorder.
Also remember that, when they tried to tell you that guy was bad news, you pushed back. You argued with them. You wouldn’t listen. You weren’t having it. And then, they tried again. If they took your pushback, you now have to take theirs.