They feel entitled to having things their way. You feel entitled to having things your way. It’s a lot to contend with. We spoke with licensed marriage and family therapist Melissa Dumaz, author of “The Love Challenge,” about the most common in-law issues that occur and how to address them.
Wherever you stand on the tradition, it may happen that your partner asks your parents for your hand and your parents might say no.
As much as we love our parents, they can have traits that we’re glad not to inherit. In fact, forming our own identity is often a combination of picking and choosing which of our parents values and beliefs we take with us, and which ones we leave behind. As you’re reading this, you can probably […]
My partner works freelance, so he has to work when we travel. Though my parents have a big house with free Wi-Fi, my partner leaves and works at a coffee shop. The last thing he needs is people who judge his career looking over his shoulder while he works, or those same people listening in on his work calls.
Do you know yourself, pretty well? Do you know what’s best for you? Do you know this man is right for you? Are you proud to be with him? If all of these things are true, and your parents simply won’t give their blessing, then there’s actually only one thing standing in your way of being happy: the fact that you care about getting their blessing.
You will often be told—not asked, but told—that this or that relative will be staying with you. For, like, a while. That’s what they do in that family. They take each other in. You never had the option to say no so, there really was no point in anyone asking you.
Your partner can and will complain to you about his siblings a lot. You can listen, but you have to tread lightly in these conversations—making him feel supported, without ever saying anything negative about his siblings.
Grandparents get enthusiastic and just want to spoil their grandkids. And while it’s great that they adore your babies so much, it’s not so great when they give them gifts you don’t deem appropriate, without even consulting you.
You also receive phone calls from pediatricians, nannies, and school principals, saying your in-laws asked them to call you. You never requested these referrals.
There are some matters in life on which you’d like some parental-type guidance, but which you can’t talk to your actual parents about. In-laws come in handy during those times.
Any time you and your partner want to go out to dinner, go to a museum, or go to the movies, you’ll feel like you need to invite your parents. This will be especially true if only one lives with you because the other passed away.