“We tend to be attracted to the same dynamics because they feel familiar, so if you know that you tend towards co-dependent relationships, look out for people you think you can fix, those who lack strong boundaries, and those who ask you to do things for them very early into the relationship.”
When you spend time with your friends, you’re really just thinking about your boyfriend, or about finding a boyfriend. You shoehorn the plan, and force everyone to go to the party that guy you like invited you to, even if that’s not what they want to do. In a group setting with friends and a potential love interest, you dominate the conversation, and throw your friends under the bus so you look the best.
Create limitations around phone communication, since this can spark codependent behaviors. Don’t text him all day or start every morning and end every evening on the phone with a guy you just started dating. Keep it casual. Touch base once a day with some short texting. Call a couple times a week.
Just like with any other type of addiction, your codependency causes you to lie. Think about it: when your friends ask you how your relationship is going, you say, “Great!” even though you and your boyfriend threw plates at each other’s heads last night and he slept in his car. Or, sometimes you tell your friends you’ve left your toxic boyfriend, and then you secretly still see him.
Just like a mama, you lie to your partner to get alone time. You say you have a doctor’s appointment when you’re actually just going to the movies by yourself.
Sign up for a class where you won’t know anybody and don’t ask a friend to sign up with you. Just go, as a solo student, to a class where you can learn about something you’ve been wanting to learn about. The empowering feeling of educating yourself will be stronger than the fear of going alone.
My boyfriend just ate food to which is he allergic—knowingly—for years because he neglected to check ingredients lists and was too embarrassed to ask a server what was in the food. That’s changed since I’ve come along.
There would not be food in this house if I didn’t make it so. My boyfriend goes to the grocery store, twice a day. He buys food just for lunch, he goes home, and then he returns to the store to buy food just for dinner. And guess whose groceries he eats when he realizes he wants snacks? Or breakfast? Or when he doesn’t have time to go to the store twice a day to get one single item.
If you aren’t with someone, you are still talking to someone. You make a phone call when you walk your dog, drive in the car, sit in your apartment, sweep your apartment, wait in line at the pharmacy…you need to be in contact with someone all of the time.
Most people who are in codependent relationships are in one because of control issues or they're not comfortable on their own.
Ever been in a relationship and noticed that you were the only person compromising, changing and giving for the sake of it? Don't let this happen to you!
Is rebounding right?