This friend doesn’t tell the most flattering stories about you. She’ll often tell stories about you making a mistake, embarrassing yourself, or failing. She’ll do it all with a smile on her face, elbowing you, as if you find this funny, too. But, if you think about it, she only tells embarrassing stories about you.
When something great happens to you and you tell your partner about it, you’re surprised to find that he belittles the accomplishment. You may tell him that a certain publication is writing about you and he’ll say something like, “That one’s just online, right?” or “That’s only published in our town, right, nowhere else?” Why does he hone in on the negative?
You seek out the others who wanted the same thing and didn’t get it. You form a group for what you call “camaraderie” but it’s really about commiserating. You find power in getting others to agree that the system is broken, that dirty politics were at play, and that this person didn’t really deserve this win. You want the winner to feel isolated for the very fact that she won, because she isn’t part of this group you have formed.
