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We spoke with licensed therapist and author of The Dumping Ground Latasha Matthews, and she shared ways the brain plays tricks on you after a breakup.
While nobody can completely coddle you after a breakup, you can get advice from a self-love expert on how to best manage the transition.
A family member of mine was set to move out of the home in which she lived with her fiancé, just a week before the economic lockdown and stricter social distancing was enforced. They’d agreed to break up. She had just started searching for new apartments.
Your poison is your antidote and your antidote is your poison. Returning to the guy would make the symptoms go away, just the way doing the drug makes the detoxer’s symptom’s go away. And then, should they try to detox again, the symptoms would be ten times as bad.
You have your denial phase, when you just don’t want to think about the relationship. It’s a tough project you’d like to just put aside and ignore for a while. But you also realize that if you just don’t want to acknowledge your relationship, something is very wrong.
Here’s another very irresponsible thing a lot of people do after a breakup: they call up a different ex—one who they know is pining after them—and get them to elope. That night. What a financial headache. What a roller coaster for the families.
He used to jump at every opportunity to help you. Whether you needed help moving or someone to bring you soup when you were sick, he was the first to offer. Now he has excuses not to help, and they are blatantly bad excuses.
When you tell strangers at a bar or out on errands that you’re going through a breakup, they become very sympathetic. But then when they ask when the breakup happened, and you tell them, they obviously retract their sympathy—you should be over that by now.
If this guy picked a fight with you on one of your first few dates—when you really didn’t owe him anything—and then, out of nowhere, bounced back and said, “Sorry about that. Let’s just pretend that didn’t happen” he’s going to be a crazy ex.