by Quierra Davis-Martin
Our generation has recently become obsessed with a new and exciting way of life. Facebook and Twitter! People use social networks for many different reasons. To connect with old friends, to express their deepest thoughts or to simply just feel important. Sure social networks can be fun and useful but things can sometimes turn awfully wrong in terms of how it an affect your work environment or your relationship.
Unfortunately I’ve watched Twitter and Facebook destroy so many friendships and relationships that it really saddens me. We all forget sometime that perception is everything. What you see as innocent may not translate that way to your boyfriend, girlfriend or boss. You also have people who love to gossip and who are patiently waiting for that opportunity to run and tell you all of the updates they’ve been seeing over the weekend. A friend of mine is on the verge of a break up right now because of this.
If you’re in a committed relationship, please post and tweet smartly. Before you post or tweet something, think about how your significant other would feel about it. Facebook and Twitter have already made it much harder on the gentlemen out there. This is why so many guys, especially with suspect pasts, delete their Facebook when they meet a woman they’d like to get serious with.
If you’re expressing your life problems and every move you make on social networks then people can and will start to use it against you. Women no longer need to snoop or go through their man’s phone like in the past. Having social networks makes it much easier to keep tabs on a guy.
You’d think because of this that men would be a little more selective in what they discuss on Facebook and Twitter. After a Friday night at the club and too much drinking is when men head to Twitter to talk about all the fine women and crazy things they’ve done that night. Even if everything written is completely innocent, it can still cause tension and unnecessary arguments in a relationship just based off of “perception.” If your close friends follow your man on Twitter or Facebook they will naturally look at everything with a raised eyebrow. The smallest mundane things will look like deceit to a close friend or family member when it’s actually nothing.
It is also important that when you first meet someone that you really like, not to exchange Facebook or Twitter information with them. This will ruin any good chance of a future. The other person will be watching you too closely and will perceive certain things in a manner probably bigger then what it actually is. Women will be tempted to browse through her date’s profile page, read comments and look for pictures with women. This is not a good idea when you’re first meeting a guy. It’s usually not a good idea to become Facebook and Twitter friends until you and that person are in an exclusive relationship.
This is because now that there is a commitment, boundaries are set and the awareness of what’s on your page is heightened. You naturally are not going to think about what’s on your page when first meeting someone and trying to get to know them. Unfortunately love won’t even have a chance if the perception of you is tainted too soon. To avoid this, don’t befriending the guy you just met on social networks!
Not only can Facebook and Twitter destroy a potential love interest, it can also destroy friendships. If you don’t want to go to your friend’s church picnic on Sunday and you lie and say you have the flu, don’t forget your lie and post or tweet about how relaxing it is to be near the pool! Unfortunately this happened to two of my friends who are NO longer friends anymore. This is the danger of lying when someone has this much access to you on Facebook or Twitter. Even if you’re not posting your every move, others can easily tag a picture of you or write a comment on your page thanking you for your support at their event the previous night. That same night could be the night you called out of work because of the stomach flu! Not a good look!
With Facebook and Twitter, it is now much easier to get busted by your girl, your man, your boss and the police. Be very particular about what you post and tweet. Keep a close eye on your settings and make sure outsiders cannot obtain your information.
Below is a list of helpful ways to keep your social networks while still maintaining your privacy.
1. Protect your tweets; this will give you a sense of peace when wanting to express your thoughts without limitation. No one wants to have to watch what they tweet every 5 seconds. But keep in mind that if your friend’s tweets are not protected people will still be able to see your interaction with others.
2. Always make sure a person has to be your friend to see your personal information and pictures on Facebook. But also keep in mind that if you have lots of mutual friends with someone you don’t want on your page they can always ask their friend to sign on so they can see what’s going on. Because of this it’s still important to watch what information you put out there.
3. Disable all tags. This means only you will see pictures that you are tagged in
4. Beware of telling your friends in your status exactly where you are. It’s better to express your thoughts rather than your whereabouts. This is better in case you happen to tell a white lie to someone about where you REALLY were on Friday night.
5. No friending frenemies, co workers or your boyfriend’s family. No sense of befriending someone on Facebook who just wants to be nosy. If it’s someone you know is a gossiper or is just looking to keep tabs on you, just keep your distance.
Quierra Davis-Martin is the co-author of “The Mean Girls Handbook of Etiquette” slated to hit shelves 2012. She was also the lead singer of the girl group Isyss. She has a great passion to inspire women all over the world to love themselves and to stay strong and true to themselves in love and in life.
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