Why Did I Get Married?: The Trouble With Marrying Too Young - Page 6

Want to know something that terrifies me? The fact that I actually used to think I was in love with some of my past boyfriends. Today, having seen what’s out there—and that it gets so much better—it terrifies me to think that I was going to accept feeling the way those exes made me feel, simply because I didn’t know that there were men who could make me feel so much better. The point is, we’re constantly changing, and there is a very sharp changing and learning curve in our late teens and pretty much all of our twenties. But, it’s a curve you have to ride if you want any shot at finding your Mr. Forever. Why? Because you have to wait until the person that you are going to be, basically forever, has set in. You have to wait until you’ve developed the traits, standards and ideologies you’ll be keeping for a while. And that just hasn’t happened yet when you’re barely in your mid 20’s.

So here’s what can happen if you marry too young…

Awkward social life

Going out with your married friends is not the same as going out with your single friends. It’s just not. Especially when you only have like…2 married friends in your whole group. If you are a part of that til-death-do-us-part-pair, your friends may not know how to treat you in social settings. They won’t know what it is and isn’t appropriate to invite you to. They won’t know if some things are just too “singles scene” for you. People automatically assume you’ve become a more serious person if you’ve gotten married, and that is because marriage is a serious thing. If you’ve made that serious decision, your friends can’t help but think that you’re not going to want to do all the stupid, fun stuff they do.

The light will be shed too late

In your 20’s, everybody’s got crapy relationships. At least, most do. Every woman is annoyed that her boyfriend doesn’t call more, or that he doesn’t plan more special nights for the two of them, and that he generally doesn’t prioritize her more. When you’re surrounded by relationships like this, it’s hard to see too many flaws in your own relationship. In fact, you might accept those dynamics as normal. But, if you get married young, as you get older, you’ll hear about your girlfriends dating progressively better men. Men who plan trips through Europe for them. Men who don’t mind doing housework. Men who prioritize them. Their relationships will move forward, and any flaws in your relationship will become painfully obvious.

Trouble relating

A huge bonding thing for women is talking about their dating life. Telling ridiculous stories of one-night-stand’s gone wrong, bitching about lazy boyfriends, crying over heartbreaks…These are the stories you will laugh about into old age with your girlfriends. But, if you get married young, you just don’t have those stories to share with your friends anymore. And, sadly, they will probably stop sharing theirs with you because they feel they sound silly to you, to Mrs. Married. And you’ll miss out on the bonding.

You could resent him

It doesn’t happen in all couples, but I’m not going to play nice here—it happens to most young couples: you give up on your dreams a little. Or, a lot. You don’t go to the amazing grad school across the country because your young husband got a steady job in the town you’re in now. You don’t go on the 3-week trip through South America with your friends because, you feel weird leaving your husband for that long. That’s what single people do. You skip out on the experiences that could make you grow. You prioritize a relationship at a time when you should be prioritizing your individual growth. And later, you could resent your husband for it.

You’ll become attached in the wrong way

Maybe you will realize you’ve made a huge mistake. Maybe you will realize you could have been in a better relationship, or you could have enjoyed being single longer. But, you missed out on those wild single days. You are terrified of the dating scene. You don’t know who you are without your husband. So, you cling onto your marriage like dear life itself, looking out at the single world, shaking.