Ever been on date #3, or #11 and wondered, “Where the hell did that come from?” when a guy did something out of character? The truth is that at that point you couldn’t have really known his entire character. But you might have started to like him, and then been totally disappointed when he displayed a trait that you knew you couldn’t live with. Bet you wish you’d known before… It just never came up because the opportunity hadn’t presented itself. You’re not going to notice that he has jealousy issues if all of your dates have been one-on-one dinners, or picnics in the park. And you have no way of knowing how big or small this guy’s comfort zone is until you (by chance) try to take him out of it. Then you realize that you two are too different. Fortunately, there are a few tricks to help you find out the important stuff fast, so you can avoid getting attached to the wrong guy and move on. Here’s our best advice for how to filter out the wrong guys fast.
Speak your mind
Without even realizing it, we often laugh it off when someone says something offensive. We don’t want to start trouble. We don’t want to make it awkward. So, when they say something offensive, we just laugh and say, “Oh please.” But you can only laugh it off for so long if a guy has drastically different views from you on a topic that you are passionate about. So, as awkward as it may be, next time he says something that offends you, look him square in the eye and tell him why he is wrong, and that it bothered you. You’ll find out immediately if this guy is open to different opinions, and if he is willing to compromise on this one topic that really gets your heart pumping. If he disregards your opinions, disregard him. It’s very annoying to be with a man who isn’t even open to the possibility that he could be wrong.
Bring him around friends, soon
It’s easy to get caught up in the cocooning phase—when all you want to do is go over to his place and cuddle (and whatever else)–but it can be a real let down when you bring a guy around your friends and they just don’t mesh. Maybe he is making no effort to get to know them, or he has a certain sense of humor that comes out in crowds as obnoxious or offensive—whatever it may be, it’s just not sustainable to be with someone who constantly bumps heads with your girls.
Bring up work
We often avoid this topic because we think we will bore the other person, but a common issue between couples is that the woman doesn’t feel the man takes her career seriously. He doesn’t ask her enough about it, he doesn’t fully understand how much stress she is under, he might even see her job as just something she is doing to pass the time until a man takes care of her. I’m serious—there are men who see it that way, unfortunately. Bring up work quickly. Mention that you are stressed about something, or really looking forward to something at work. See if he takes your lead and asks you more about it and seems genuinely interested, or if he just says “oh.” Your work is a big part of your life. You don’t want to be with someone who just says “oh” about it. You really don’t.
Show your quirks
Do you always need to sit at the seat that represents 2 o’clock in a room? Do you like to sleep on the floor? Do you need to ask twenty questions before ordering at a restaurant? Show those quirks as soon as possible. You can acknowledge that you know they are weird, but you need to find out how weird he thinks they are. You don’t want to be with someone who is noticeably aggravated whenever you bring out your quirks, a) because you want to be with someone of a more patient nature in general, and b) because those are your quirks! They’re not going anywhere. He’s got to love you for all of you.
Take him to your favorite weird spot
Maybe you like a bar similar to the It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia bar where stoned 70-year-old men sing karaoke. Maybe you like Hooters! Maybe you like to explore sex shops, just for the hell of it. Your guy doesn’t need to share this same oddball passion, but he shouldn’t be repulsed by it either. You don’t want to be with some stiff who just doesn’t get you. Someone who looks at you like a complete enigma when you head off to that hole in the wall karaoke bar. If he can at least handle your weirdest favorite spot, then you two can’t be too different. (Don’t force the poor guy to go all the time though.)
Talk to another man in front of him
Don’t flirt with another man, but if you and your guy are in an environment where it’s natural to talk to the people around you—maybe a busy sports bar where people are talking about the game, or a dog park where everyone is swapping stories about their pups—strike up a substantial conversation with another man. Include your guy, but also check to see how he handles you being friendly with other men. If he is the jealous type, this will make itself apparent pretty quickly. And it will be pretty clear to you whether or not he is a keeper. We are not saying that you should be overly harsh in your judgements. But if you can’t make it over these types of hurdles, you might want to move on to protect your heart — and his. Do you agree? How else can you screen out suitors with low potential? Discuss!
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