Things Men Think Are Compliments But Aren’t
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You can learn a lot about a man by what he thinks is a compliment. Some men so clearly, deeply, inherently dislike women that it shows, even when they like a woman. They can’t hide it. Some men only see women as bad or not bad—but they don’t really see them as good. And these men only know how to compliment a woman in a backhanded manner. Men, if you’re reading this and have ever been confused as to why a woman didn’t take your compliment kindly, you probably fit into this category. A true compliment comes out of a place of positivity, generosity, and kindness. It doesn’t somehow take someone else down, or take all women everywhere down. Here are things some men think are compliments that aren’t.
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You’re not like other women
I happen to like other women and won’t accept you bashing them. If you think telling me that I’m not like other women is a nice thing, then you just let me know that you think poorly of most women. And I’m not down with a man who thinks like that.
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You’re asking for trouble in that outfit
Couldn’t a simple, “You look nice” suffice? Or do you have to state things that imply I’m welcoming harassment and enabling inappropriate male advances through my outfit? I’m not asking for anything. I’m just wearing an outfit. If men behave poorly, that’s because that’s who they are—my outfit didn’t do that.
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You don’t care what society thinks
In other words, you don’t think I look very good. And as a matter of fact, I wasn’t thinking or not thinking about society. But you definitely just let me know that society would not think I look good right now.
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I love that you haven’t been with many men
Okay, well, my list of sexual partners wasn’t actually on the table as something you could approve or disapprove of. And it’s really not something you should judge me about. If I had been with a lot of people, it really shouldn’t have changed your opinion about me.
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I love that you’re not sensitive
In other words, you feel you can get away with saying brash, offensive, and sexist things around me and I won’t kick up a fuss. When a man tells me I’m not sensitive, what I hear is, “You’re a pushover who doesn’t stand up for herself or other women.”
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It’s cute that you’re girly
Cute? Girly? What? Vomit. Whatever it is you’re talking about—my affinity for summer dresses or my love of a good romantic comedy—please do not label that cute or girly. It’s not a part of some gender stereotype. It’s just my particular personality and taste. Don’t diminish it by putting it under the blanket of presumed female interests.
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It’s okay that you don’t know that—you’re a woman
Whatever that may be, I don’t not know about it because I’m a woman. Nor do I need you making excuses for me for why I don’t know it. I wouldn’t say you don’t know about menstrual stuff because you’re a man. I would say you don’t know about it because you clearly choose, as an individual, to be ignorant and uneducated on the matter.
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You’re such a ball buster; I love that
God forbid you’d call me assertive, forthcoming, confident, or communicative. Nope. If a woman is any of those things, that’s immediately accelerated to her being called a “ball buster.”
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Ah an independent woman, for a change
Are you trying to say that most women aren’t? Are you trying to say the codependent or gold digging women are the norm and I’m the rarity? Gee. How nice…
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You don’t need makeup
And…other women do? Newsflash: nobody needs makeup. Makeup is not a need. It’s not like oxygen or food. And who do you think you are, going around deciding who does and doesn’t “need” makeup?
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It’s great you’re not all up in my business
Right. Got it. Message received. You’re probably going to cheat on me or already are. By “Up in your business” you mean I don’t simply ask what you’re up to on a Friday night or wonder why you took a phone call outside for a half hour. Is that really “Up in your business?” or is that just a healthy, normal level of curiosity?
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You can afford the calories
And…others can’t? Once again, who are you to go around deciding who can and cannot afford the calories. Don’t promote the dangerous concept of women only being able to eat certain foods if they’ve “earned it.” We can eat what we want, when we want, thank you. I don’t need you christening my damn burger.
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Cute and funny—wow
Yup. Believe it or not, I didn’t just sit in my tower, wearing my glass slippers, admiring my reflection for the last thirty years. I like to laugh and make others laugh. And I didn’t develop a sense of humor to impress men. If you think women can’t be attractive and funny you must’ve just crawled out from under a rock.
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Hot and smart—wow
See above. Then go crawl back under that rock please. But get a vasectomy first. Thank you.
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If you were single, I’d hit on you
Uh, you’re hitting on me now. Please don’t try to gain some sort of character points for not blatantly trying to sleep with me while I have a boyfriend. You really think that stating you’d like to sleep with me isn’t hitting on me? Come on.
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- Protected: The Sound Of Movement: Ledisi Reflects On The Power Of Protest Music And Self-Love In ‘The Crown’
