Ways Men Make Women Uncomfortable Without Realizing It

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I think it would do every straight man some good to walk in a woman’s shoes for a day. Really, in the body of a woman. Because while some straight men say they know what it’s like to be a woman, all because they’ve spent two hours at a gay bar receiving unsolicited advances, they have no idea. Men are, by nature, usually physically stronger than women. They have no idea what it’s like to spend a lifetime with the knowledge in the back of their minds, “If I piss a man off, things could get physical, and I wouldn’t necessarily be able to get out of it.” Men just haven’t got a clue what that’s like. So when they say that women are too sensitive about some of the things men do or say, they only look at those things from the eyes—that are in the strong body—of a man. Here are things men do all the time that make women uncomfortable.

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Sending over drinks

If a man offers to buy us a drink, that’s one thing—we can say no. It’s uncomfortable to say no, but we have the option. When men just send over drinks, they took away our option to say no. We almost feel like they know they’re imposing something on us—they’re giving us no choice but to talk to them. We always have a choice, but we also always know that some men have large egos and even larger tempers, and can become pretty upset if we drink the drinks without talking to them, or just send the drinks back.

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Referring to us as “Sweetheart”

Who said I’m sweet? Maybe I am and maybe I’m not. But when men call us “Sweetheart” they are projecting onto us the qualities they think women should have, and they make us feel pressure to live up to this label. How would men like it if we referred to them as, “Hey, nice guy.” It’s not really condescending or an insult…but it comes with some expectations.

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Leaving vague but creepy social media comments

Comments like “I would” or “Why do you do this to me?” or “Mmmm…” It’s so irritating when men leave comments like this. They aren’t saying something outwardly sexual or derogatory, and so we cannot outwardly get on their case about it. But we feel like, against our will, we just gave them some spank bank material, all because we posted a photo of ourselves in our workout clothes.

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“If I were your man, I’d never leave your side”

Somehow, men think there is something chivalrous about saying this. Too many times has a guy been surprised to find that I was at a bar without my boyfriend, when I do have a boyfriend. Then they say, “I’d never leave your side if I were him.” Um…I hope you would. I don’t exactly want some creepy, possessive boyfriend who won’t let me out of his sight for ten minutes.

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Being that customer at the restaurant

If you work in the service or hospitality industry, then you’ve had those creepy guys who keep showing up—those imbeciles who think you smile at them and laugh at their jokes because you like them. Hello! You’re in the service industry! You smile at every customer and laugh at each patron’s jokes. Now this man won’t stop coming around, requesting to sit in your section, and making you feel like if you don’t respond kindly to his flirtatious comments, he’ll complain to your manager or you won’t get a tip. It’s really gross behavior.

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Joking you’d be perfect together

Some male friends or coworkers like to say things like, “We’d make a great couple if you were single.” They aren’t outright saying they want to date you. Nor are they saying they wish you were single. They’re just putting this little information out into the air that they have thought about being with you. But they don’t say it in a way that gives you the option to respond, “I’m not attracted to you and wouldn’t want to be with you.” It’s spineless of them, really.

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Adding emojis in professional emails

Unless you have an understood friendly dynamic outside of emails, don’t add emojis to your professional emails with female colleagues, men. Why? Well, let me ask you this: do you add winky face emojis to your emails with your male colleagues? Exactly. And treating your female colleagues different than your male ones is unprofessional and makes us uncomfortable.

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Telling us about your sex life

The worst guys are the ones who don’t tell you they’d like to do kinky stuff to you. Nor do they ask to do stuff with you. But rather, in a roundabout way of harassing you, tell you about their sex life with other people—in graphic detail. They’re somehow implicating you in their sex life, against your will. You feel like they’re assaulting your ears, and getting off on it.

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Walking you to your car/home

Unless a woman knows you quite well, she doesn’t want you walking her to her car. I’ve got news for you, fellas: we assume most of you are rapists unless we can confirm otherwise. We have to assume that for our safety. If you take offense to that, I promise it’s much worse for us to go around in life afraid of being sexually assaulted than it is for you to have women worry you might be assaulters. You’re a little offended; we’re terrified. Think about it.

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“Protecting you” from other men

There have been instances when I was talking to a man I was actually interested at a bar, when another man swooped in, put his arm around me and pretended to be my date to “Protect” me from that guy. He had no right. He didn’t know me at all. Even if I wasn’t interested in the first man with whom I was speaking, the other guy has to be pretty damn cocky to assume his presence is more favorable.

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Helping you cut the line

I’ve stood in long lines at clubs or bars and had men I didn’t know help me get in. They knew the bouncer or the owner, saw me and my friends standing in line, and told the bouncer we were with them. Then, of course, I felt obligated to talk to those guys once we got inside. Because they wouldn’t leave us alone. Clearly, that was no act of selfless kindness on their part.

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Putting their number in your phone

Hey guys: when you grab a woman’s phone and put your number in it, you may think you’re being a gentleman because you aren’t asking for hers, but you’re still grabbing an expensive and highly personal device out of her hands. How would you like it if a stranger did that to you?

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Getting you an Uber

When you send a woman home in an Uber, on your account, that means you get to see where she lives. You could also change the destination at any time and send her to…who knows where. So no—we don’t want to get in the Uber you ordered for us, even if you aren’t getting in it with us.

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Guiding us through a crowd

Isn’t it convenient that when a man I hardly know wants to help me get through a crowded bar, he puts his hand on my lower back, or waist, to do so? Very convenient.

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Almost hitting on us. Almost.

Men have so many ways of almost hitting on women, without actually hitting on them, so they get to let us know of their desires, without giving us the chance to say, “Well I don’t want that in return.” If you want to hit on/sleep with/ask a woman out, be a man and say your intentions. Don’t find some roundabout way to do it that leaves us uncomfortable, and feeling like we can’t respond.