Why Jealousy Is A Useless Emotion - Page 14

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Jealousy is natural. In fact, at one point, it was necessary. Before monogamous institutions like marriage (or really the concept of monogamy at all) were a thing, the only way women had to ensure the fathers of their children weren’t out spreading their seed, and therein owing precious resources to other women, was by being jealous. They may not have followed their men on Facebook back in the day to see what they were up to, but they probably literally followed them to see what cave they were creeping into. If we were going to ensure men were going to be available to provide for our offspring, we had to be jealous—it was a survival instinct. And survival instincts are difficult to get rid of. But, unfortunately, today, jealousy shouldn’t have much of a place in a relationship considering that our partners do promise to be monogamous. Here is why jealousy is a useless emotion.

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The truth always comes out

I’m not saying there is nothing going on. Your instinct may be correct. But the truth always comes out. Cheaters always get caught. Covering up tracks and lies becomes difficult over time. Somebody sees them out with somebody. You can rely on the world to show you if something is going on, and you can avoid discovering it in the petty way of interrogating, stealing phone passwords and texting every 10 minutes.

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You’re great. He either sees that or doesn’t.

Often we get jealous because we feel our partner doesn’t recognize how great we are, and certainly doesn’t recognize that we are greater than the woman he is talking to. But if you know you are great, then why be jealous? Just have confidence in the fact that you’re a catch and if your partner fails to see that don’t feel bad (aka jealous); just realize he’s dumb and move on.

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Jealousy spurs behavior that causes jealousy

Being jealous is actually a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Perhaps your partner wasn’t up to anything, but your checking in every half hour and smothering him could drive him to want to spend time with his female friends who don’t smother him. I’m not saying jealousy will drive him to cheat, but it will drive him away, which will, in turn, create more jealousy.

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Because, just tell him it makes you uncomfortable

If your partner is doing something to provoke your jealousy, just tell him. You don’t have to use passive aggressive behavior to get him to stop or send a message. If you tell him, “This makes me uncomfortable” you’ll find out from what cloth he’s cut then and there. He’ll either genuinely apologize and say he didn’t realize it made you uncomfortable (and assure you nothing is going on) or he’ll turn it around on you and call you crazy. It’s important to see how he’ll respond.

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Or realize it shouldn’t make you uncomfortable

You may want to check that you have good reason to be jealous. Run it past your friends (the reasonable ones). Sometimes second and third opinions are important. If your friends tell you you’re overreacting, you may need to look inside and ask if it’s just your own issues making you jealous. That’s not your partner’s fault.

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It makes him see other women as attractive

Your partner may not even have noticed what long legs his coworker has or what perky breasts his friend has until you started listing those features as reasons you think he’s flirting with them. Now you just set him up to see those things.

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It makes you act ridiculous

What do you do when you feel jealous? You start trying to make your partner jealous. You flirt with other men. Or, you get passive aggressive, “Forgetting” to pick up your partner’s important prescription and suggesting that, “Maybe Sheila can pick it up for you since you two are clearly so close!”

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You could end up breaking his trust

If you just sit and let your jealousy stew, you’ll drive yourself crazy. In fact, you’ll drive yourself to looking through your partner’s phone and social media messages. Then he could catch you, and you’ll be the one who was doing shady things.

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Only sh*tty partners tolerate it

If you’re constantly jealous and your partner puts up with it, bends to your will and does what he can do appease it, I’m sorry but you have a spineless partner. Strong, confident men who value themselves don’t tolerate being questioned and accused all of the time.

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People up to no good won’t admit it

Meanwhile, if your partner is up to no good, it’s not like he’s going to admit it. So once again, just let the world bring the truth out.

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There will always be other women

If you plan on being jealous of the fact that your partner hangs out with other women then you’re setting yourself up for one exhausting life. I’ve got news for you: women make up about half the world’s population. They’re not going anywhere.

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There will always be more attractive women

If you’re simply jealous of the women who are more attractive than you, you’re still setting yourself up for an exhausting life. There will always be women who are perceived by society at large as more attractive than you. And less attractive than you. So just quit the race that has no finish line.

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It highlights your flaws

Your partner never considered any reason you should feel insecure until you started behaving insecure. Once you start listing off the reasons you’re inferior to the woman you’re jealous of, your partner will see those things. Why did you go and do that?

Real loyalty goes out the window

Once you’ve started acting jealous, you can never enjoy your partner’s loyalty again. Is he being loyal because he wants to be or has to be? Is he hanging out with you by choice, or is he more like a caged animal? Your jealousy put that cage there.