Cohabitation Fights All Couples Have

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Many couples think they know what living with their partner will be like, just based on the fact that they spend most nights together before moving in. But there’s really no way of knowing what living together is like until you do it. When you live separately, you can let a lot of things slide. You may see habits or behaviors of your partner’s that you don’t like, but you think, “I can just go home if it bothers me too much” so you don’t say anything. When you live together, you don’t get to walk away from those issues anymore. If you’re going to live in a space where you’re both happy to be, you wind up having to have a lot of logistical and practical (and boring and stressful) discussions you never had to have before. And that changes things. Here are the top cohabitation fights every couple has.

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Handling bad neighbors

You and your partner might have the misfortune of having bad neighbors. They might make too much noise, jog in place upstairs, or have some strange smell coming from their balcony. You might decide you want to go upstairs and say something, while your partner doesn’t think you should start drama with people you’ll see several times a day in the corridor.

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Befriending neighbors

You may have the good fortune of having neighbors you get along with! But just like with any double date/couples friends situation, there can be some complications. What if your partner loves the man in the other couple, while you just feel lukewarm about the woman. Each time they invite you over for dinner, your partner will be itching to go, while you’ll be looking for ways to get out of it. This can happen with any couple you befriend, but the dynamic is amplified when they live in the same building.

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Complaining to the landlord

Some tenants are sticklers for notifying their landlord of any problem that arises, hoping to get every penny’s worth of rent in repairs in upgrades. Maybe that’s you, but your partner doesn’t want to annoy your landlord to the point that he raises your rent to get you out. Each time a problem comes up with your home, you’ll argue about whether or not to bring it to your landlord’s attention.

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Letting friends crash

Now that you live with your significant other, the incidence of friends or family wanting to stay with you has doubled. In the past, if your partner had friends staying with him, you could just go home and get some peace and quiet. But now that is your home. Likewise, your partner may desperately want some calm in the apartment on a weekend three of your college girlfriends want to visit you.

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Photos on the walls/desks/shelves

You want to display your relationship on the desks, walls, in the bathroom and on the nightstands. You have so many cute photos from over the years and you finally have a combined place to display them. But your partner thinks those should be limited to the bedroom and private places so you don’t overload your guests with your lovey dovey photos.

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Cleanliness requirements

You may be a very clean person. But what if your partner is a very, VERY clean person? Like the type who thinks you should clean a bowl the second you’re done using it, even if you’d just like to shoot off a quick email first? It’s very rare that two people who live together have the exact same cleanliness standards, and you’re bound to fight about it.

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The place is too feminine

You may not even consider yourself a very feminine woman but just wait and see: once you move in with a man, you’ll realize you’re at least a little feminine. You’ll realize it when he won’t let you put even one accent pillow or throw blanket on a couch. You’ll realize it when he complains that coasters with the tiniest bit of decoration on them are “too girly.”

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The place is too masculine

Meanwhile, you’ll fight the never-ending battle of keeping the place from turning into a total man’s den. If it’s up to your partner, you may have all leather furniture and all black or brown shelving. If your partner has it his way, you may find yourself among a beer refrigerator and video game setup so large you’d swear you lived in a Best Buy.

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Replenishing supplies

Who is really buying most of the toilet paper? The foil? The trash bags? The olive oil? Who is using most of the olive oil? Good luck trying to figure it out. And you will try to figure it out and point fingers over these issues every time you reach for toilet paper and find the roll empty.

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Sleep habits

Whether it’s keeping the windows open versus closed, what setting you keep the fan on, unplugging the night light, sleeping with separate blankets versus the same blanket, you’ll find something to fight about each night you go to bed. No bedtime will be complete without a short argument about who gets “the good pillow.”

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How much to invest in décor

Really how much to invest in anything. If one person really wants the pricier couch/television/refrigerator while the other would be happy to settle with the cheaper one, what do you do? Ultimately, both people will be using and enjoying whatever you settle on. So shouldn’t you split the cost 50/50? Your partner may not think that if he doesn’t feel equally enthusiastic about the $1,000 couch.

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Getting alone time

If you’re going to get alone time when you live together, you have to designate it. Before, you always had the option of going home. You didn’t have to state, “I need alone time.” You could just leave. Now you have to tell your partner when you need to be alone (which you will need). And, sometimes, it may hurt your partner’s feelings.

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Spending quality time together

Here’s another thing you need to designate or it won’t happen: quality time together. It used to be that when you were together, you made a point to meet up. You finished your chores at home before seeing your partner. But now, you are at home most of the time you’re together. There is always a toilet to be cleaned or a bill to be opened. If you don’t state, “We are doing something fun for the next two hours” your relationship can become all about the apartment.

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Hypocrisy

Anytime your partner brings up something you’re doing wrong in the apartment, you can come back at home with ten examples of times he did the same thing. Then he can come back at you with twenty of examples you did that, and worse. Then you’ll both agree to stop keeping score….and do it all again next time an issue comes up.

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Engaging/listening

It’s easy to take one another for granted when you live together. You may not focus when your partner is telling you a story because you think, “I can just hear it again later.” Or because you’re simply preoccupied with folding laundry. You’ll both become frustrated with each other for not listening far more than you did when you didn’t live together.