Why Men Who Try To Get Laid Never Get Laid

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Men, what do you notice about your friends who always go home with someone when they go out? It probably looks like they don’t try at all. They come over to you and tell you they’re going home with someone, and you think, “I barely even saw him talking to her.” Maybe you tell yourself, “But he’s hot, so he doesn’t have to try.” No, no, no! That is dangerous thinking. And probably the reason you try incredibly hard with women when you’re at bars. But you’re striking out. You’ve bought a lot of drinks for a lot of women who just took the drinks, thanked you, and went on their way. You didn’t even get to have a conversation with them. Why is this happening? Why can’t you get laid? You’re doing everything within your power. That’s the problem—right there. Here is why trying to get laid will never get you laid.

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The term “Getting laid” is insulting

First of all, the term “Getting laid” is insulting, annoying and immature. When you have sex with someone, both people are getting something (ideally, but maybe not if you’re terrible in bed). The term “getting laid” implies you got someone to give you something, and you gave them nothing in return. If you’re even using this term, you’re probably selfish, and women can sense it.

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You should pay attention to your friends

When your sole objective is to get laid, this naturally pulls you away from your friend group. You spend the night circling the bar, leaving your buddies somewhere in a corner. Women see this and it A) Makes your goal all too clear and B) Makes you look like a bad friend.

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You don’t come off as genuine

When your end game is to have sex with someone, regardless of compatibility or anything else, you’re willing to say anything to make her like you. Of course, this rarely comes off as genuine. What are the odds you’d actually agree with everything a woman said, and that all of your stories paint you in an incredibly flattering light? Those odds are small. And women know that. So they can see you’re being fake.

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You’re trying to peacock

If you desperately want to have sex, you need a way to stand out. So you probably opt for the old peacocking technique. This could involve wearing a bright red cowboy hat, singing Madonna on the karaoke machine or ordering the flaming shots from the bartender. Either way, you’re more annoying than anything else when you peacock. And women are far too familiar with this technique by now—they know it’s for them and not for you.

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You take her from her friends

You likely spend very little time talking to a woman’s friends when you’re interested in having sex that night. Why should you invest in what Lauren does for a living and where Melissa adopted her dog when you don’t plan on seeing their friend past tonight? Well, you should because ignoring them makes the woman in whom you’re interested uncomfortable. Of course, if you talk to her friends, you won’t talk to her nearly enough to make her comfortable sleeping with you tonight. So it’s a lose-lose, you see?

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It causes you to drink too much

First of all, you want to loosen up, so you drink. Second of all, you’re at the bar for a very long time because it takes a very long time to find a woman who might possibly be vaguely interested in sleeping with you. Over those long hours, you’re bound to drink too much. You usually wind up too drunk for a woman to feel comfortable even talking to you, let alone going home with you.

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You’re down for anyone

If you just want to have sex, you’re interested in anyone who is interested in you. Now that doesn’t exactly make a woman feel special. And women can sense it when you’re ready to jump ship to the next female who appears interested in you. But that woman sees that you just jumped ship, and she loses interest. You were dead in the water before any of this began.

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You’re getting a reputation

If you spend your nights out aggressively hitting on women, word will get out. When you go to bars, women will start whispering to one another, “ Stay away from that guy.” You need to be very, very careful, select and discreet if you’re not going to get all women in your town to turn against you. Of course, men who are constantly trying to get laid are none of those things.

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You’re too prepared

Maybe you do get a woman to agree to go home with you, but once that happens, you’re too prepared—alarmingly so. The Uber is already outside because you paid the driver to be on standby. There’s no need to stop at the store for condoms—you have a bulk variety pack at home so whatever the woman likes, you’re sure to have. Do you see how this can be off-putting?

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You’re in a rush

You don’t want to get another round of drinks. You don’t want to stop at the taco truck. You don’t want to stop at the bar next door to say hi to her friends. You’re really in a rush to get the two of you back to your place. When you’re just trying to sleep with someone, you end up rushing the night, and women can sense this and don’t like it.

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Your friends try to help you

Your friends are starting to feel bad for you, so they’ve upped their wingman game. But they’ve upped it too much. They present women with full campaigns on why they should let you buy them a drink. Honestly, your friends are tired of you pretending you want to hang out, just so you can talk to women, so they’re as eager for you to get laid already as you are.

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The more you strike out, your confidence dies

The harder you try, the fewer women want to sleep with you. The fewer women want to sleep with you, the more your confidence dies. Then you try harder to compensate for it. It’s a vicious cycle.

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You come in too hot

You know your goal is to be more than friends and you make everyone else know it, too. The first thing you say is flirty. But this puts a lot of pressure on a woman. If you immediately come in by letting her know you’re attracted to her, it’s like presenting her with a ticking time bomb and the question, “Are we doing this or not? You better decide soon because now I’ve told you I want to do this and if you take too long to reply I’ll move on.”

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You hover

You stand too close. You won’t go away. You’re ready to offer women a new drink when they still have three sips left. You crowd around, for fear that another man will swoop in. Nobody wants that.

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Nobody wants to just be a lay

No woman wants to feel like they were the target of some guy who went out that night and said, “I’m going to trick some woman into sleeping with me.” Casual hookups can happen, but they usually don’t happen for men who go out and aggressively pursue them. They happen for men who are open to see what happens, whether it’s a deep connection or a fun fling, and are themselves in the process.

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