Why It’s Hard On Your Friends When You Get Back with An Ex
Bigstockphoto.com/Upset girl is sitting beside female friends. She holding smartphone. Women are looking at her with sympathy
If you’re going to get back with an ex, you better make damned sure he is the one. Aside from the fact that if things don’t work out again the second breakup will be even harder than the first one, and aside from the fact that, well, it’s a little embarrassing to fail at the same relationship twice, you have to consider how hard the whole situation is on your friends. You know—the ones who woke up at 3 am to your drunken calls when you were crying about this guy? You know—those friends who got in trouble at work for texting you when you were feeling incredibly sad and needy and they knew you needed constant contact during that breakup? Yes. Those friends. You put them through a lot when you broke up with this man. So when you tell them you’re giving it another go with him, they aren’t just going to embrace the situation with open arms. Here is why it’s hard for your friends when you get back with an ex.
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You’ve told them the worst
When the relationship ended the first time, you finally felt free to confess to your friends about all of the terrible things your partner did. You told them the worst things he ever said—you really made him out to be a monster. Now they’re just supposed to forget that?
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They’ve seen you in terrible shape over him
Your friends heard you say that you didn’t have the will to live after that breakup. Your friends were genuinely concerned for your safety and health after that breakup. Now they’re supposed to forget that?
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They have to keep your rebounds a secret
You had a few rebound hookups after the breakup. Now your friends have to sit at brunch with you and your once-ex-now-boyfriend-again and pretend those didn’t happen. They have to erase entire weekend’s worth of stories because, oh right, you were shacking up with someone else then. Nice of you to put your friends in this awkward position.
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He messed around too
You forced your friends to look at the ex’s Facebook account. You didn’t have the heart to, so you made your friends social media stalk him. And they saw him groping women at the club. They saw him posting selfies with other women. Now they’re supposed to pretend they didn’t see any of that.
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They talked a lot of sh*t about him
You made your friends talk sh*t about your ex. They were trying to be supportive and get on board with the sh*t talking. Now you have heard your friends say terrible things about the guy you’re dating. Again! Why did you do that to everybody? Why?
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Did they sacrifice for you for nothing?
Your friend stayed up until 3 in the morning comforting you, the night before a very important meeting. The meeting didn’t go well because she was exhausted from consoling you the night before. Her boss is less than impressed with her. But she did that for you. And now you’re back with the guy who caused it all.
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They can’t listen to the same problems again
If you try for a second to complain to your friends about the same problems that existed the first time you dated this guy, you can forget it. You’ve used up all those chances. They feel like their brains are bleeding when you go on about the same old problems.
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They got drunk with you for nothing?
Your friends endured terrible hangovers, all for the sake of drunken comradery while you were going through the breakup, and now you’re back with the dude. They spent too much on shots and taxis and lost their phone in a bar bathroom. And now you’re back with the dude.
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They were your wing women
Your friends truly invested in helping you find a new guy. They were out at the bar with you, when they really didn’t feel like it. They spoke to the friend of the guy you were interested in, even though they really didn’t like him, so you could try to meet somebody. They endured that for nothing.
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They invested in the new guys
When you did meet a new guy you were kind of interested in, all of your friends made an effort to get to know him. They came out to lunch with him. They made nice with his friends. They got to like the new guy! And now you’ve left him in the dumps.
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You made them hate him
You made your friends genuinely hate your once-ex-now-boyfriend-again. It’s very hard to unhate somebody.
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They wonder if you even listen to them
Well, clearly you didn’t listen to all the reasons they told you he was wrong for you and all the reasons they told you that you could do better. Why should they ever give you advice again? It goes in one ear and out the other.
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They probably yelled at him for you
Your friends probably stood up to the ex for you. When he tried to call you, they probably answered the phone and told him off! They were trying to protect you. Now they need to hang out with this guy again and pretend that didn’t happen.
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They can’t be all ra–ra about it
Your friends cannot be all excited about this relationship as if it’s a new one. So when you go on and on about how great things are going, they cannot pretend they’re happy for you. They just can’t.
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They care about you
Your friends hate to see you get back with an ex because they care about you. So don’t be mean to them when they aren’t 100 percent on board with you getting back with the ex. You can’t expect them to make an 180-degree turn. If they did, they wouldn’t care about you.
