Why Calling Yourself Broken Is A Cop-Out - Page 10

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Barring having gone through a true trauma, if one more grown*ss person calls herself broken all because she’s had a few heartbreaks, a handful of men disappointed her, maybe she was cheated on, or she’s exhausted by the lack of prospects out there, we may just have to open a 24-hour preschool to throw these people in because calling oneself broken is childish. And if you were truly broken, you wouldn’t be going about your day, conducting business, hitting the gym and seeing friends. You would need constant care. “Broken” is a term people misuse and abuse and it has to stop. But more than that, calling yourself broken is not productive or useful. Here is why calling yourself broken is a cop-out.

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It takes no agency in a solution

If you say you’re broken, you’re saying you are beyond repair. You’re essentially taking the task of bettering yourself off of your shoulders—you’re the world’s problem now. Broken things are beyond repair, right? But you’re not. So stop saying this.

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It implies no one else suffers

People who call themselves broken tend to have victim mentalities and are—sorry to say it—self-absorbed. If you call yourself broken because you’ve been cheated on or left at the altar, then what have you got to say for the thousands of women who’ve had that experience but don’t say they’re broken? Are they not suffering too? Or do only “broken” people suffer?

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It’s an excuse for bad behavior

Self-proclaimed broken people love to use this false title to excuse poor behavior. That behavior could include cheating on people, flaking on people when they really need them and a slew of other acts (ironically, similar to the ones someone did to them to “break” them). But you’re still accountable for your actions, even though you’ve gone through some sh*t.

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And it excuses you from apologizing

Alleged broken individuals never seem to think they have to apologize. They think that, since they were broken, the world owes them an apology. And the least the world can let them do is act crappy, and not require an apology. Saying, “Sorry, I’m broken” is not the same as saying, “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” But the latter is what you need to say when you mess up.

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Have you even seen a therapist?

You’re not a doctor. You cannot tell yourself that your arm is broken, your collar bone is broken, or that you are broken. If you haven’t seen a therapist and been diagnosed as broken, then nobody wants to hear it. Until you have proof on a little prescription pad, you’re just a hypochondriac of the emotions.

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It begs someone to fix you

Claiming to be broken puts it out there in the world that you need to be fixed. It’s unfair to your family, friends and those around you. It’s almost like you’re saying, “Here I am. I’m one more thing you need to work on this week.” Hey, fold your own laundry, do your own taxes, and work on yourself.

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It’s an excuse to hide

Going out into the world, socializing, dating, taking career risks and putting yourself out there after being hurt is scary. Nobody is denying that. But calling yourself broken is an excuse to stay inside and not put in the hard work that everybody else who has ever been through anything has to do.

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It excuses poor choices

Like overspending, overeating, being sexually promiscuous without using protection, quitting your job, getting a dumb tattoo, taking up a drug and much more. But who cleans up that mess? Debt consolidators, the free clinic, and your parents if you’re very lucky. Are you willing to put that on them all because you insisted on playing the “I’m broken” card?

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It’s disrespectful to your friends

Your friends and family are trying to help you feel better. And the truth is, they’re probably doing a damn good job. They know you and what you need. But you are stubbornly refusing their help, and making all of their hard work count for nothing, because you’re intent on being broken.

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It’s a cry for attention

Nobody who is actually broken calls themselves broken. They’re too tired and they don’t even know they’re broken. They don’t have the luxury of contemplating their emotions because they are truly destroyed.

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It gives away too much power

When you say you are broken, you are handing a lot of power over to people who have wronged you. Are you sure you want to do that? Wouldn’t you rather show them they didn’t affect you?

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There are actual broken people out there

There are individuals who became widows and widowers at a young age and suffered things you cannot imagine. Try looking them in the eye and telling them— because dating just hasn’t quite gone your way—that you consider yourself broken. Just try.

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It’s ungrateful

You have tools to better your life. You have friends. You have access to therapy. You have a voice with which to speak and a body with which to enjoy yourself. Calling yourself broken when you’re of sound body and mind is ungrateful, no matter what your religion may be.

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It attracts the wrong people

When you put it out there into the world that you’re broken, you attract other people who claim to be broken. They end up doing all the things on this list—like being unreliable—and just reconfirming your idea that you’re broken.