Misconceptions About The Perpetually Single Woman - Page 8

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There are some damaging and downright mean myths out there about women who are single past a certain age, or women who have simply never been in a long-term relationship. For some reason, a man can go well into his 50’s, unmarried and unattached and the most reaction he gets from his friends is a little concern because, “It would be nice if he had somebody.” But that’ it—they just think he’s missing out, but they don’t worry that something is fundamentally wrong with him. Not so for women, though. Every friend group is always highly aware of their one perpetually-single female friend; every office has its eye on the female staff member who never brings a date to the company parties, and hasn’t had any prospects in years. Perpetually single women stick out like a sore thumb, even when they don’t do anything to make it so besides just be single. Here are misconceptions about the perpetually single woman.

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They can’t compromise

Many perpetually single women are actually wonderful at compromising, as evidenced by the decade-long friendships and long careers they’ve had at the same place. Those types of relationships alone show that they can be a team player and think about what’s best for the group over themselves. Maybe men have just asked them to compromise too much in relationships, to the point where they’d be losing themselves.

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They’re too picky

If a single woman can’t keep a friend or a job then, sure, maybe she’s too picky. But plenty of perpetually single women are some of the most understanding, compassionate and forgiving people out there. They don’t judge their friends, family or colleagues for their character flaws and mistakes but rather are happy to work with them through those. They’re probably the same with men they date, but most men they’ve met have been truly, deeply flawed. In a way that couldn’t be helped.

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They’re needy

You think the perpetually single woman is single because whenever she starts dating a guy she becomes too clingy? Think again. Perpetually single women are the most comfortable with their alone time. If anything, sometimes men leave them because they were hoping for a woman who would be more reliant on them and available at their beck and call.

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They’re unstable

Do you know how many people are in the wrong relationship out there? Most couples you pass on the street right now won’t last and it’s because they’re in it for all the wrong reasons. They are unstable, refuse to mend emotional and mental issues, and just hope a relationship can patch up their wounds. Perpetually single women may be some of your most stable women; they’re strong enough to work on themselves, rather than use a boyfriend like a band-aid on a gaping emotional hole.

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They’re career-obsessed

This one may be true but so what? No one ever accuses a man of being career-obsessed—we just call those men ambitious, hardworking and impressive. Maybe perpetually single women believe there should be room for two successful careers in a relationship, and most men they date wish they’d just quit their job and wait at home for them.

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They’re intimidating

Because they don’t pretend to agree with something when they don’t agree? Because they challenge ideas and concepts men bring up? Because they want to talk about the economy instead of the difference between faded and acid wash jeans? Hmmm. Are they intimidating, or are the majority of men they meet at bars just superficial?

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They expect a fairytale

Some people believe the perpetually single woman has an unrealistic image of love—one that’s filled with reciting poems out loud and going on hot air balloon rides. Not so—many of them are just waiting for a man who calls instead of texts, and sticks to the dinner plans he makes. If that’s a fairytale then, sure, they’re screwed.

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They secretly hate being single

Most grown women manage to build a life that they love, with or without a man. To suggest any perpetually single woman must hate her life is to take all power away from all women, and suggest that women cannot be happy without a relationship.

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They resent their married friends

Are you kidding? Most perpetually single women know how hard it is out there, and they’re psyched that their friends found a diamond in the rough. Plus, the husbands of their married friends tend to come along with single friends so it’s a win-win.

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They have weird, hidden habits

Okay, sure. But doesn’t everyone? Ask any person in a committed relationship out there if they or their partner have strange habits (like bringing sandwiches to eat on the toilet) and they can probably list a dozen. Most people have weird habits, but they aren’t ashamed of them and those habits aren’t the reason they’re single.

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They’re socially awkward

On the contrary. Walk into any bar or party and you’ll likely find that the most charismatic, social butterfly in the room is single. Single people don’t get to rely on the safety of their significant other at parties, talking only to their boyfriend or girlfriend. Single women are some of the best at meeting new people and entertaining themselves in social situations.

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They’re difficult to travel with

This is part of the assumption that they won’t compromise (like, they must have the hotel bed by the window sort of thing). But single women are actually a lot of fun to travel with because they can have some of the greatest sense of adventure. They’re used to talking to new people everywhere they go and just having to be brave and outgoing. They can make traveling a lot of fun!

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They must’ve been burned

To say that a woman is perpetually single because she’s had her heart broken is to say that everyone in committed relationships has never had their heartbroken. People in committed relationships can probably tell you that’s not true.

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They’re asexual

Hey, don’t just assume that because a woman is perpetually single that she isn’t getting any. Maybe she’s just discreet.

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They are sad

Perpetually single women just think about the fact that they’re single all of the time. They spend their Friday nights at home watching old romantic movies and crying—right? Don’t think so. Most adult women aren’t going to let life pass them by just because they don’t have somebody to spend it with. In fact, most single women make more of an effort to keep an active social life, try new things, travel, take classes and do things that make them very happy.

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They get more desperate with time

So you think the perpetually single woman will just lower her standards with time, huh? Because that biological clock is ticking, right? In fact, quite the opposite is true. If a woman has lasted 40, 50 years without a life partner then she knows she can be happy without one. She isn’t going to settle now.

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They don’t put themselves out there

Perpetually single women often put themselves out there more than anybody! Since they don’t have a relationship to hide in (along with Netflix and takeout) they actually dedicate time to bettering themselves and pursuing their interests—what better way is there to meet someone with whom you’re compatible?

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They all freeze their eggs

And stalk potential surrogates and are asking their gay couple friends to donate sperm—right? Not exactly. A lot of perpetually single women can’t really imagine having a child unless they have a relationship with the father. And then there are single women who, yes, will pursue having a child on their own. But they aren’t obsessed with the issue.

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They need to keep it tight(er)

Perpetually single women need to exercise more, eat less, wear fewer clothes and more makeup to keep up with the competition, right? Maybe if they want to attract the immature men who are not well-adjusted or secure enough to date someone their own age. But most women don’t want that.