Life Challenges That Will Put Your Marriage To The Test - Page 8

Bigstockphoto.com/Handsome Afro American man is listening to his beautiful pregnant wife’s tummy feeling shocked

There are some couples who have already gone through a lot of hardship before walking down the aisle, so they know they can survive anything together. But most couples get to face pretty smooth sailing until saying, “I do”. Sure, they’ll have their lover’s quarrels, but the mere fact that they were able to plan a wedding and walk down the aisle means that life didn’t throw any truly earth-shattering curve balls their way before the big day. That’s how it should be, really. The first few years of a relationship should be fun! But that doesn’t mean you can turn a blind eye to the fact that not all of life as a couple will be easy and light. Enjoy the easy years, but keep your eyes open and make sure you and your significant other could survive if things got rough. Here are life challenges that will put your marriage to the test.

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A miscarriage

If you suffer a miscarriage, this can put a tremendous amount of stress on a marriage. Because it is such a sensitive subject, it’s common for both people in the marriage to silently harbor questions like, “Did the woman cause this? Did the woman do something in her past that made her womb inhospitable?” or “Does my husband wish he’d married somebody else? Does my husband blame me?” It can be very beneficial to see a couples’ counselor after a miscarriage—specifically one who specializes in fertility issues within couples. They can navigate you through this painful and confusing time while keeping you from emotionally hurting each other.

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A sick parent

If either of you is fortunate enough to still have a parent alive and to have a relationship with that parent, one day, that person will become sick. Eventually, as life goes, they’ll become so sick that it will be apparent to everyone they’re nearing the end of their life. If this is your parent, a lot will be required of you during this time, from accompanying the parent on hospital visits, sitting in on conversations about their estate and more. You’ll naturally be an emotional wreck. It’s a life event that will completely consume your life, and could drag out for months or even years. Your marriage will get almost no attention during that time. But if your marriage is strong, it can withstand it.

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Depression

You or your partner might go through a depression—if not several—during your marriage. When one person in a marriage is depressed, the needs of the other (physical and emotional) cannot be met. The depressed person, not meaning to, can become a burden on their spouse, who is left picking up their partner’s slack around the home, and taking care of them. But a strong couple doesn’t go into a marriage thinking, “I’ll only stick around so long as it’s fun and easy.”

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Sudden success or fame

If one person experiences a sudden surge in success or fame—maybe they sell a million dollar idea or wind up on the news for a heroic act—this can change the couple’s life overnight. People will come out of the woodwork, asking for favors, money, connections and help from the successful person. It can make the successful person cocky, and lose touch with what really matters. Both individuals need to stay very level-headed and remember their values when and if this happens.

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A dispute with in-laws

One day, one set of in-laws is going to put their nose where it doesn’t belong and it’s going to cause a lot of tension between you and your spouse. Maybe your in-laws are very pushy about your raising your children in their religion, but your partner and you had a different agreement. This could be a lifelong dispute in your family.

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Having children

The research is out there: having children can be bad for a marriage. Your relationship goes from all about the two of you to all about somebody else. Before, you made decisions based on the question, “What’s good for us as a couple?” Now all of your decisions will be based on the question, “What’s good for the child?” And what’s good for the children isn’t always good for the couple.

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Struggling to buy a home

A lot of couples are shocked to find that they are much further off from being able to buy a home than they thought. That means that the apartment they planned on only being in for three years—they’ll have to be in for six years. And their relationship may not have been ready for being stuck in that small space, in that neighborhood they less-than-love, for that extra time.

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Exes who must be in the picture

If you had a child with an ex, own a business with an ex, or dated the son of your mother’s absolute best friend in the world, so he’s going to be around for family gatherings, then you have an ex in your life. And your spouse may not like that. It takes a very secure couple to have an ex in the picture, and not be derailed by it.

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Financial hardship

Things don’t always go as planned. Your or your partner’s business may not become profitable as soon as you’d projected, and you may need to take out a lean on your house just to take out another loan to support the business. You could go from breezily ordering takeout three times a week to bringing your own grocery bags to the 99 cent store, just to make sure you can make your loan payments each month. Only a couple who truly loves each other through thick and thin can still find some happiness under these circumstances.

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Other couples

Other couples will challenge your relationship. They may judge your relationship. You may love hanging out with the woman in one couple, while your husband can’t stand her partner, which makes social plans a regular battle. You’re not always going to be on the same page about friends. Getting the social life you want, along with the love life you want, can take a lot of work.

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Uprooting for work

If one person has to uproot the whole family for work, then that means everybody has to make new friends, find new jobs, and start from scratch. Even if you say you’re happy to do this for your partner, you’ll find yourself fighting feelings of resentment towards him when you miss your old life.

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Troubled teens

Having troubled teens—or kids of any age—can be a significant stress point in a marriage. Children already require 110 percent of your attention, but a teen who is trying to do drugs, sneak out past curfew, hang out with the wrong crowd, drink alcohol, commit crimes and get into other trouble can put you and your partner over the edge. Don’t be too proud to seek professional help if this happens. Counselors and centers for troubled teens exist for a reason. You and your spouse are not trained psychologists.

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A sex drought

All of the challenges on this list can kill a couple’s sex drive. But when you don’t physically connect with your partner, you can begin to feel emotionally disconnected from him, too. If you are experiencing any of these challenges, it’s more important than ever to sit down, pick a weekend you’re both free, and get out of town together—away from your stresses for 48 hours. Once you’re relaxed, the sex drought can come to an end.

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Divorced friends

If a couple you’re close with gets a divorce, it can actually put a strain on your marriage. For a long time, when you see one of those individuals, they will have a lot of nasty things to say about marriage—it’s hard for those ideas to not sneak into your psyche. You’ll also argue, with your spouse, about how to be diplomatic—which person are you staying friends with? Which person can you invite to your parties? When one couple in a friends group splits, it causes a rift amongst everyone.