What To Do After You Get Ghosted
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No matter how many times you are ghosted, it always comes as a shock. There’s a good chance that many of the individuals who have ghosted you seemed completely engaged and interested during your last interaction, leaving you with little clues as to why they would cut off communication. It’s natural for humans to crave closure. And not getting it in a day and age when there are literally dozens of ways to get in touch with someone (Facebook messenger, text message, email, Twitter DMs, Skype…) is incredibly frustrating, because there’s just no excuse! Back in the day, if you were ghosted, maybe the letter got lost. But today, if someone ghosts you, you know you can’t blame the messenger; this was a deliberate decision. It feels awful and can leave you at a loss for what to do next. Here is what to do after you get ghosted.
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First, give the benefit of the doubt
Ugh. I know. Your pride hates this concept. But what if this is your guy? The one you might marry? And this is that one time when he just didn’t receive your texts because you sent them in the 10 minutes the phone towers were down? So you can send that one, “Hey, did you get my last text?” message. Many misunderstandings have been cleared up this way. If he doesn’t respond to that, it’s done.
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No, really. It’s done.
You gave the guy one last chance, and that’s that. Remember that if a man really wants to contact you, he will. If he did, in fact, have his laptop and phone stolen, he would borrow his friend’s computer to find you on Facebook and tell you what happened. He wouldn’t just say, “Oh well. There goes the potential love of my life” all over a technological mishap. So don’t make excuses for him anymore.
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Leave your phone for a bit
Go out for the day and leave your phone at home. Otherwise, you’ll spend all day checking it every second and leaping for it each time it goes off, hoping it’s him. It won’t be. And you’ll just break your own heart ten more times.
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Tell a friend
There’s comfort in comradery. Call your best friend and vent about the fact that this *#&*$#*% had the nerve to ghost you! Your friend will tell you about a time she was recently ghosted, and her friend was, and that friend’s friend was…you’ll realize it happens to the best of women.
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Don’t spy
You may go into detective mode, wanting to prove that the guy is still alive and well and perfectly capable of sending a text message. So you’ll get on his social media pages. Don’t do this. You actually don’t get any pleasure from confirming he is, in fact, alive and just not texting you.
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Resist the urge to yell at him
People who are immature enough to ghost someone are also immature enough to call you a lot of mean things if you call them out for ghosting you. Typically, if you tell a guy how terrible he is for ghosting you, you’ll open up a slew of nasty messages. You don’t need that. Walk away.
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Ask yourself, “Have I ghosted?”
Oops. You probably have! And if you think back on it, when you were younger, you ghosted guys. And you didn’t do it because they were totally insufferable or nuts. You were likely just immature, insecure, knew you weren’t that into them and didn’t have the heart to tell them. If you put yourself in the ghost’s shoes, you can probably see it’s not personal.
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Realize you did nothing wrong
When someone ghosts you, you don’t get that, “Here’s why this won’t work out” conversation you get during real breakups. It’s frustrating. But perhaps, it’s better this way because those breakup conversations only leave you analyzing how you could have done things differently. When the reality is, you couldn’t have done anything differently! This just wasn’t a match. The other person figured that out before you did—that’s all.
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You never know the whole story
You wouldn’t believe how common it is for men, who seem totally healthy, happy, single and ready to mingle, to get back with an ex right after a slew of wonderful first dates with another woman. Sometimes, the people who are most hung up on an ex seem the readiest to date someone new. It’s their form of denial
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Delete his number
Really. While you may feel strong now, you never know what might send you calling that guy later. Another bad date? Another man ghosting you, putting your anger over the edge? A pitcher of margaritas? Ditch his digits.
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Pity the ghost
Do you realize the depth of emotional issues one has to have to ghost somebody? They are terrified of conflict, incapable of expressing their emotions, and very uncomfortable with candid conversations. Feel bad for this person. His life won’t be easy.
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Realize this is a blessing
Someone who will ghost you is also someone who will lie to you, hide information, and fail to be transparent in a relationship. Be glad you found that out now, and not later. Ghosters are usually also cheaters.
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Don’t let it shape you
Being ghosted can be a bit traumatizing. It may cause you to be one of those people who, after a first date, says, “You promise you’ll call me? How do I know you’ll call me? What time exactly are you going to call?” Recognize that there is nothing you can do to stop ghosting. But there are things you can do to encourage it, like insisting someone promise to call.
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Get right back out there
You’re hot and funny and desirable. You may need a little proof of that since you just got ghosted and your ego hurts. So put yourself together and go out with friends for drinks tonight. You’ll get four new phone numbers and forget about the ghost by the time the night is over.
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Treat him like a real ghost
He is acting like a ghost, so treat him like one. As far as you’re concerned, that man is six feet under now. Pour one out for him, say a little prayer for his spirit, and keep enjoying life.
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