Do you have a toxic friend? Here are signs that you do

Bigstockphoto.com/Young attractive African woman with short haircut talking on cell phone to her friend looking cheerful joyful and happy sitting at the window touching her chin. Human emotions and feelings

Toxic friends are a lot like another toxin—alcohol. Like a stiff drink, a toxic friend at first makes you feel relaxed and at ease. She may make you feel more confident than usual and hotter than usual. Like booze, a toxic friend can make you feel (at first) like you can do anything—when you’re around her, there is this giddiness that’s not unlike the buzz you feel after a gin and tonic. But, also like alcohol, toxic friends can leave you feeling a little dirty, depressed, drained of energy, and all around blue (hangover depression is a real thing). That’s how toxic friends make their way into your life in the first place; by creating an illusion that they’re going to make things better, and they’re the answer to all of your problems! They sound like alcohol more and more, don’t they? So, is your best friend actually toxic? Here are some signs.

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She tells you you’re always right

Even when you know you’re wrong. You could cheat on a boyfriend, and your toxic friend would tell you it was all his fault. She never encourages you to self-reflect or look for the lessons in pain and mistakes (because she doesn’t do that herself).

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She never takes responsibility for her actions

Speaking of not looking for the lessons in mistakes, your toxic friend is somehow never wrong. If her boss fires her for not doing her work, all she can say is that her boss is just cranky because she hasn’t been laid in a while. It doesn’t cross her mind that maybe she should have just done her work.

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She causes you to impulse buy

You find yourself making large purchases you shouldn’t around this friend. But she tells you that you need that $500 jacket for this or that reason, and that the designer chair is an “investment.” (An investment in what? Certainly not in a Roth IRA, stock or bond.)

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You like people less after talking to her

When you leave this friend, you find yourself feeling generally dark and discouraged about humans. This is because this friend is usually just sh*t-talking people, and dwelling in her negative experiences.

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You like yourself a little less after talking to her

Even though your toxic friend pays a lot of attention to you, you leave her feeling worse about yourself. That’s because toxic friends are very manipulative and intelligent, and have a way of weaving negative ideas into a conversation.

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You can’t tell if she just insulted or complimented you

Speaking of negativity, your friend often says things that could be taken as a compliment and/or an insult. You’re really not sure. Something like, “That dress looks surprisingly good considering your figure.”

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You feel safe and scared around her at the same time

Your toxic friend feels at once like a safe harbor and the rocky seas. That’s because she says things like, “I just want what’s best for you” before saying things like, “Maybe you should quit your job and just move back home.”

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She finds fault with everyone else in your life

She doesn’t like anyone else in your life. Toxic people don’t like themselves so, as a result, they usually don’t like other people. Rather than face their flaws and insecurities, they turn those outwards and find fault with everybody else.

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She finds a way to turn your good news into bad news

You find yourself hesitating to share good news with her because she’ll find some way to put a dark cloud over it. For example, if you say you got a promotion, she may say something like, “Then those low-plunging dresses you wear around your boss paid off!”

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She might be jealous when you get something good

You get the sense your friend is actually jealous when something good happens to you. She doesn’t give you the genuinely-happy-for-you reply you’d expect from someone who allegedly “wants the best for you.”

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She is always gossiping about somebody

Toxic people are always gossiping. They usually don’t like their own lives and are messing up left and right. Rather than admit that, they just talk about how everyone else is screwing up.

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She encourages your destructive behavior

She encourages you to quit your job, to sleep with random men, to make large purchases, to slash an ex-boyfriend’s tire, to stalk the new girlfriend of an ex-boyfriend, to eat the whole pint of ice cream…

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She reveals private information about you (“for your own good”)

She’ll tell men you’re dating that you’ve been cheated on a lot, or that you have issues with your father. Then she’ll tell you, “I just told them for your own good—they should know what you’re about and decide if they can handle it.”

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She makes you feel guilty a lot

She makes you feel guilty for things you’re not sure you should feel guilty about. For example, you won’t go out on a bender with her because you have a very important meeting in the morning, but she claims she could, “Really use your friendship right now…” Maybe you could use her friendship, and she could encourage you to get a good night’s rest.

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Her personal relationships are in shambles

She rarely has a romantic relationship that lasts more than a month, she has a lot of friendships that have gone up in flames, and most of her relationships end turbulently and abruptly.

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Her job/finances are in shambles

She is somehow always broke, even though she seems to make enough money. This is because she is an impulse buyer, and doesn’t manager her finances well. Rather than admit that and seek counseling, she accuses people of not being understanding of her circumstances.

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She does you large favors you didn’t ask for

She’ll do enormous favors you didn’t ask for, that actually make you a bit uncomfortable (like buy you a very expensive designer bag).

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She can be very petty

She handles arguments like a toddler, just spewing nasty, pointless insults that do not move the conversation forward. She is the type of person who hangs up in the middle of phone conversations and slams doors if she is mad.

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Everything is about her

She talks a lot. She somehow makes every conversation about her, even on your birthday or a friend’s wedding anniversary.