"Rachel Zoe, 40 and Kimberley Elise, 44"
By Ramona X
In the past couple of years, the ego of Black women in this country has taken a very defined hit. Every other week, a story about the low marriage rates amongst black women emerges, painting us in a very negative light as women who are lonely, doomed and undesired by all men, including our own.
And let me tell you something, the abundance of articles and books pointing out our dubious plight is not only based on marriage statistics, it’s rooted in something more deeply psychological that many refuse to acknowledge.
I’m not going to go on a whole long Isis-Papers –inspired soliloquy on why black people are so hated and so loved at the same time, but let me just share with you what the primary, subconscious reason is for all this hate: Black don’t crack. That’s right, the fact that black women do not age as rapidly or get attacked by wrinkles at a relatively young age is a source of jealousy of our melanin-challenged counterparts. And as we all know, jealousy breeds contempt.
Laugh if you’d like. It’s the truth. This subconscious envy of a people, who have a relationship with the source of energy that doesn’t wrinkle them to death, who can spawn and influence world culture by their very natural existence, is real. But let’s take this discussion down a notch and allow me to explain how Black women are being attacked because of this subconscious contempt of our melanin.
I’ve been around Black women all my life so it came as a surprise to me when I discovered that many of my non-White college classmates and, later, my twenty-something co-workers were investing in expensive Estee Lauder anti-aging creams. This panic of aging and the idea that beauty had a fast-coming expiration date was an overshadowing theme in many of their lives. In contrast, any discussions about beauty at my Sunday brunch outings involved sharing hair care tips and recommending moisturizing conditioners.
Another epiphany struck when I was discussing this idea of how it seemed more acceptable for white women to “get around” as opposed to Black women, who were judged for being sexually free, with a Black guy friend of mine. He joked that it was okay for white women since they had a shorter shelf life. In other words, they were aware of their dwindling beauty and had to capitalize on their youthfulness fast.
Although he was joking, there seemed some truth to it. By the time many white women hit age 30, they look their age. A 30+ Black woman, on the other hand, will most likely look like she’s still in her 20s. Age is just a number but for many ladies, how you look at your age feeds into how you feel about yourself, your level of confidence, and not feeling insecure if you’re still at the club past your ideal marrying age.
Black women certainly don’t remember to be grateful for the fact they’ll look good for many years past their 21st birthday and their 40th for that matter, but many on the outside are resentful of it. I don’t blame ‘em. When I gaze at white celebrities like Rachel Zoe sometimes, who at 38, looks ten years older than 45-year-old Halle Berry and 44-year-old Kimberly Elise, it makes me grateful. When I’m 45, I’ll probably look as youthful in the face as Berry, who although looks good for her age, is not an anomaly in the Black community.
When a woman is wrinkle-free, from a biological perspective, it indicates to a man that she is still fertile. When a woman looks wrinkled, it sends a sign that she’s less fertile. Black women, hence, don’t have the problem. I’ve always been suspicious of these general findings regarding fertility. It’s true that a woman’s chance of conceiving decrease as she gets older, but how can that these medical findings apply to all women? We’ve evolved in different environments, which is why we have melanin and why our skin reacts differently to the sun. You can’t tell me that an Aztec person in Latin America and a Norwegian have the exact same physical destinies. If you’ve noticed, they don’t make a point of distinguishing Black women when it comes to bad news that includes white women but when it doesn’t include white women, like this whole marriage rate fiasco, then we’re singled out.
There’s a jealousy of Black women’s “black don’t crack” factor, and subconsciously, society can’t just let us get away with it. And the easy way is to make sure we don’t feel too great about ourselves is by picking on us. It’s a deep complex but that’s what is is. On a larger, more general scale, a lot of our genetic make-up is the reason we are the most oppressed group in the world (in this era of the past 500 years). We are born with natural sun protectants, and we are born with rhythm. Those that lack it are both fascinated and jealous of it. But like I said, this would be a dissertation if I were to go on. The point is that there’s a deeper meaning to this attack on Black women and their singlehood and it’s time we take a stand and let society know that we know what’ s going on. We’re black and yes, we’re beautiful. And sorry, we can’t sell our melanin yet and offer you a fountain of youth. And please, don’t hate us because we look great at 28, 35, 42, 58 and beyond.
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