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Bigstockphoto.com/Head shot of an African American male taken outdoors against a wall

Whether we like to admit it or not, men and women tend to derive different things from a relationship. It’s not uncommon for women to take on a more nurturing role (we’ve just evolved to do so) and for men to take on a more protective one. So, if we get different things out of relationships, then it’s only natural that when we’re cheated on, we feel like different things have been taken away from us, or that different parts of our personalities have been insulted. Being cheated on feels awful, no matter who you are, but men think about very different things when women cheat on them than women think about when men cheat. If you’re a woman who has cheated, and you want your partner back, it’s important for you to know what he’s going through. Here, men explain what it feels like when women cheat on them.

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I wasted resources

If the man spent money on things for his partner—anything from rent to car payments to presents—he feels like an idiot because he wasted precious resources he worked really hard for on someone who was getting resources elsewhere.

 

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I can’t go back in there

And by in, yes, I mean in. Men feel pretty territorial about their partner’s bodies, and once they know another man has been in there when only they should’ve been, it’s like…someone else slept in their bed or drove their precious car and it’s forever tainted.

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I want revenge on her

Women can often see that a man cheats due to his own insecurities or issues and that it wasn’t personal or intended to hurt her (even though it’s still inexcusable). Men, however, feel that it is very personal when a woman cheats and can seek revenge (which is why there are so many cases of men attacking and even killing their cheating partners).

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This is completely violating

When men are cheated on, it can feel as if somebody broke into their home or stole their identity. Since men can often revolve their social lives around their partners (whereas women are better at keeping up friendships outside their relationship) they really do feel like their identity has been taken.