Today’s world is an increasingly different place than it was even 20 years ago. But as a whole, our mindsets are far slower to change than the very ground beneath our feet. This is particularly true for women, whom society seems to make responsible for a significant portion of our moral underpinning, particularly when it comes to ideas surrounding dating and sex. Most women go by the rules to protect their reputations.
But do the same socialized limitations apply to the type of person you are willing to date, or more specifically, that person’s ethnic background? Or is there something else keeping you dating within your racial boundaries? Ultimately, it boils down to your own preferences — but you don’t need a Census-scale study to note that a black woman is far less likely, or even willing, to date outside her race than a black man. It’s time to change all that.
I’m fortunate to have the audacity of exercising my options. The fact is, when I step out with a lady who has an “other” background, I’m not worried about what her parents may think. But I am watching for other black women out the corner of my eye, concerned she might view me as a traitor, or go Sister Soulja and make a snide remark. Deep down, I’ve got this nagging feeling she doesn’t understand, nor does she know what she’s missing. Rather than feeling angry, jealous or betrayed, she should join the team.
So from a brutha to a sistah, here are the reasons you all really need to consider trying “something new.”
It’s Good Strategy
Finding someone special is always a numbers game, so some level of strategy will do you good. If you’re statistically more likely to meet someone more your speed by checking “other” on ethnicity, then that’s just a well-informed decision. Well-managed decisions tend to offer better outcomes. Time is also a factor and plenty of it is wasted on men who just aren’t good for you. That doesn’t mean that black men aren’t good for you, but if you are limiting yourself based on race, you’re also limiting your chances to find happiness. More options equals more chances.
Variety is the Spice of Life
We all need it. A break from the norm. A chance to try something different. Variety enriches all other factors in your life: the food you eat, the places you visit, the shoes on your feet and the hair on your head. Why wouldn’t injecting a little spice into your dating selections be just as beneficial? Lot’s of women fall into the “tried it, didn’t work” category when it comes to dating non-black men, but bad dates are inevitable no matter what race the other person is. If at first you don’t succeed, try again.
Your Income
High incomes are not prevalent in a high percentages of black men, which means there are simply fewer high-earning black men to go around. Maybe you can spend a little extra of your own dough in an effort to “keep it black.” But you’ll have to be okay with “spending a little extra” on the regular. If you expand your horizons, you will be able to meet more men with a high earning capacity, and keep your finances in better form.
It’s the 21st Century
The economy, business and information infrastructure is global — and yet your dating pool is ultra-local. Now more than any time in the past, women are empowered with the benefit of choice. Exercise it!
You Live in a Big City
Racism is a alive and well but it tends to be well-mannered enough, particularly in big cities, where you don’t have to care what other people think when it comes to who you date. Besides that, isn’t the multi-cultural aspect of living in a big city part of the joy? Italian one night, Chinese the next. Plus there are all kinds of different foods you can try, too. Make it happen and enjoy your easy options.
You Should Broaden Your Horizons
The only failed relationship is one where you don’t grow as a person. Even relationships that don’t last forever can and should be mutually beneficial. Being open to “other” kinds of men offers a broader perspective of the world, including how you see it and how it sees you. And that positions you to make choices about things in your relationships that really matter, because you have grown in self awareness.
Hip Hop is Global: Now So Are You
I know how it is for black women. The collective swagger we black men have can be hypnotic. But thanks to hip hop, that certain je ne sais quoi has been exported worldwide. And where Black culture is sold, it is consumed and assimilated. Such is the way of culture. That means that many more suitors are interested in your cultural identity, and thus in you. Then you get to enjoy black culture with a non-black man. And the fact that it’s flavored by the particular ethnicity of your “other” colored suitor may offer a refreshing way to look at your own culture. Sounds pretty good, right? For all these reasons and more, black women: give “other” men a try. If you have not already, why not? Leave your reasons below.
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