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Having your parents go through a divorce, especially if the events leading up to that divorce involved infidelity or any type of abuse, will do a number on a person’s psyche. But, as a child of divorced parents, I can say that people seem to think that that particular experience is one that people just don’t get over. People believe that a person can work through issues related to almost any other upsetting or traumatic event but divorce? No chance. I’m here to tell you that belief is simply not true, and quite frustrating. With enough personal work, reflection and therapy, a person can get on in life and have perfectly healthy relationships, even if their parents had an ugly and turbulent divorce. Not all women from broken families are “broken.” Here are stereotypes women of divorced parents hate.

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We hate men

Maybe for a short period after our parent’s divorce we feel some anger towards men, but any mature, well-adjusted woman can separate her father from the rest of mankind. In fact, many women of divorced men are especially good at finding and appreciating kind and thoughtful men because they know how to spot men who aren’t that way.

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We are financially needy

Some people believe if a woman loses the financial support of her father after her parent’s divorce, she forever looks for a wealthy man who can essentially become her “father.” In reality, many of us saw how our mother’s worlds were shaken after divorce, we never want to be in that situation, and make certain to be financially independent.

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We don’t want to get married

We know that the institution of marriage didn’t ruin our parents—the fact that two incompatible people got married ruined our parents. Maybe the fact that one person didn’t do enough personal growth before binding their life to another’s caused the divorce. But marriage in and of itself didn’t cause it.

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Everything we do is because our parents split up

Is everything you do because of that one upsetting event in your life? Well, if you had the courage to go to therapy and make sure your traumas don’t define you, then no—it shouldn’t be. Many children of divorcees do a lot of personal work to ensure the event doesn’t define them.