Relationship Mistakes You Can’t Forgive And That’s Okay
Being able to see another person’s perspective, considering what it would be like to walk a mile in the shoes of another, and exhibiting mercy are all wonderful traits. But there are just some things people do that you cannot forgive, and probably shouldn’t. There comes a point when forgiving someone would make you a pushover, and force you to compromise your own values. And, keep in mind, some mess-ups are so bad that, by refusing to forgive the person you teach them a very valuable lesson—aka never do that again! You probably learned some of your most valuables lessons about relationships through the people who would not forgive you. Here are relationship mistakes you probably can’t forgive, and probably shouldn’t.
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Cheating twice
Whether or not you should forgive a first-time cheater is a hot topic but let’s all agree you should never forgive a second-time offender. If someone cheats twice, then that means your forgiving them the first time did not make them think about their actions or make real efforts to change in any way, so they certainly won’t change if you forgive them again.
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Nearly getting physical with you
If a man grabs your shoulders in anger but then backs away, it’s time to go. Even the impulse to become physical is dangerous and unforgivable. The fact that he didn’t technically become physically violent with you does not make it okay.
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Blackmailing you
If a man ever, for even a moment, suggests that he would use private information about you to get something he wants from you, do not forgive him. That man will always care more about himself and his desires than the collective good of both of you as a couple.
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Slut-shaming you
Even men who just say tiny things about how they’re embarrassed about your wilder college days harbor deep-seated anger towards women. If your partner shows even a hint of slut-shaming you for your past, it’s time to bail.
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Lying about finances
If a man is willing to lie to you now about how he spends his money, he will certainly lie to you about it when you have more serious financial responsibilities like children and mortgages.
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Intentionally making you jealous
No person should ever wish the awful sensation of jealousy upon the person they claim to love. If someone wants to make you jealous, he does not love you. He also does not love himself, so get out of there.
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Image Source: Shutterstock
Being pushy about sex
If there is something your partner wants to do in bed and you tell him that would make you very uncomfortable, that should be the end of that discussion. Nobody who loves you would even be able to derive pleasure from something that they knew made you uncomfortable.
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Image Source: Shutterstock
Asking you to keep your commitments a secret
Like the fact that you live together, are engaged, eloped…! If someone asks you to keep your commitments to one another a secret, then they are not totally, overwhelmingly proud and ecstatic about their union with you…which they should be.
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Image Source: Shutterstock
Asking you to look better so he can impress his friends
A truly loving partner does not care what anyone else thinks about the person he’s decided to spend his life with. He tells you you’re gorgeous with a mud mask on and would never, ever say something to make you feel self-conscious about your appearance.
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An unwillingness to apologize
If somebody cannot apologize when they’ve clearly done something wrong, they have some deeper issues at play. An unwillingness to apologize shows selfishness, tremendous ego, and an unhealthy need to be in control. You can’t have a relationship with somebody like that.
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Disappearing during a fight
Someone who disappears for days on end during a fight, giving you no updates as to their whereabouts, is not somebody you can share your life with. What happens when they do that when you have children and obligations?
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He conceals an STD
There is no excuse—not embarrassment, not the fact that they’re taking a medication that kills the symptoms, not anything—that justifies hiding an STD from a partner.
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Any lying
Even small lies are problematic because they show that this person can cross the threshold from honesty into looking you straight in the eye and telling you something that isn’t true. From that point, bigger lies become easier and easier.
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