Coddling Your Heartbroken Friend Isn’t Helping Her
You’re protective of your best friend, so when she comes to you devastated after a breakup she never saw coming (the worst kind of all) you just want to make her feel better instantly. All you’re thinking about is how do I get her to stop crying and start laughing right now.
Unfortunately, some of the tactics you turn to might just end up making this breakup harder on her in the long run. Clearly, everybody needs a little time to vent and grieve after a breakup, so give your friend that time, but don’t let her stay in the wallowing, self-pitying phase for long or she may never get over this thing (or off of your couch where she seems to live now). Here is why you aren’t helping your heartbroken friend by coddling her.
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Telling her how awful he was
Making everyone else out to be terrible is not a mature, healthy or sustainable way to feel better about oneself. Your friend and her boyfriend broke up because they were bad for each other, but not because either one was necessarily bad as an individual.
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Saying he just isn’t the relationship type
Don’t tell her he just isn’t the relationship type because then you’ll feel like a real dumba–when you both see him engaged to be married in eight months. Everyone is the relationship type, but that relationship wasn’t the right type for either of those people.
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Saying she’s perfect; he sucks
Your friend is at fault somehow. Both people in a breakup are always at fault somehow! Either by the things they did in the relationship, or by the mere fact that they chose to be together in the first place. Your friend can’t learn from her mistakes if you tell her she’s perfect.
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Indulging the Facebook stalking
She will want to look at his Facebook and judge the way he is dealing with the breakup. Whether he’s posting photos with friends partying, or not posting at all, she’ll decide he is a moron! Don’t let this stalking happen. Force her to, in front of you, delete him from social media.
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Looking over old photos with her
She’ll want to look over their photos together. She’s looking for clues that she was “never happy all along, really!” But she’ll just end up crying and realizing, “Damn—we were happy for a while there.”
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Letting her eat all the ice cream she wants
There can be one night of f*ck-it eating, but after that, you have to put an end to it. If you don’t, she’ll just end up eight pounds heavier at the end of the week and still heartbroken.
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Letting her drink all the wine she wants
See above, plus the worst hangover EVER. Have you ever been heartbroken and hung over? It feels as if the world is ending.
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Image Source: Shutterstock.com
Letting her stay inside for a week
The more time she spends inside, the more opportunity she has to do all of the bad things on this list. So get her out, even if that means dragging her out in her robe with zit cream on her face.
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Enabling this tattoo/haircut idea
No, she should not chop off all of her hair, dye her hair pink, get a tattoo or get a bull ring in her nose. The high of it will only last a few days until the reality sinks in that she is still heartbroken and now has a pixie cut.
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Buying her all the self-help books
She needs you, not an author spewing generic advice, to talk to her right now. Furthermore, the self-help cycle can be a dangerous one that causes someone to just read about life forever, but stop living it.
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Letting her talk about the breakup 24/7
She gets 20 minutes a day to talk about it—that is it. If you let her talk about it all day she will not be doing things to get over it, like spending time with friends, going outdoors, investing some time and thought into her career etc.
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Image Source: Shutterstock
Helping her throw away the gifts
For now, you can take them and hide them somewhere. Tell her you threw them out if you need to. Just know that there will come a day she feels very sad to have gotten rid of them, and you can say, “Guess what? You didn’t!”
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Supporting the fitness freak phase
She will want to pay for the most expensive trainer, the fanciest gym, and the designer workout clothes. She will purchase every juice cleanse on the market. Do not let her; she will go to two training sessions, three days at the gym, wear one of her new outfits, drink one juice, and drop it all (and waste her money).
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Indulging the partying phase
She doesn’t need to be hanging out at a club every night of the week right now and, let’s face it, neither do you! She needs sleep and she needs to not be around men groping her.
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