Let’s face it. It’s hard out here for the grown and shy. Unless you have goals of being an indefinite hermit, you have to learn to mix and mingle with others, and at times even spark up conversations. In most careers and even in relationships, shyness can most times get you overlooked or over-used. So for the naturally shy gals, it’s important to learn ways to combat social anxiety.
Whether you’re meeting your significant other’s family for the first time or attending a networking luncheon, here are a few icebreakers to hopefully assist you in initiating a conversation that allows you to loosen up and kick your social anxiety, at least until the event is over.
The Networking Event
Networking functions can be the most intimidating events for the socially shy; and although you may have practiced your infamous ‘elevator pitch’ briefly describing who you are and what you do, these events can still be somewhat frightening.
Here are three icebreakers that can assist you in sparking up a somewhat meaningful conversation that could potentially build up your business contacts.
Your elevator pitch is a brief sentence or two describing who you are and what you do. According to Businessweek, ‘it’s a skill that every business person needs.’ The reason this is such a great icebreaker is because it serves as an introduction that immediately warrants a response. It’s a networking event, so the person you’re speaking with will usually respond with their elevator pitch. After this, you can further ask a question about their business or product. Or if your social anxiety kicks in, you can take the easy way out: ask for a business card, smile, and leave.
You can’t go wrong with complimenting. If you see someone you’re interested in sparking up a conversation with, give them a compliment on something they’re wearing (even if you’ve seen better). After this, ask an open ended question like, “What do you think of the networking event?” or “How often do you come to these events?” A conversation is sure to develop.
- When All Else Fails, Use The Weather
An icebreaker using the weather is probably the most cliché, yet one of the easiest ways, to break the ice. By simply saying ‘It’s a really nice night, huh?’ or asking ‘Is it supposed to rain all week?” is an easy conversation starter.
Meeting His Parents
So you’re meeting his parents for the first time. What woman doesn’t want to make a good impression on the fam? If you’re serious about your man, chances are you definitely want approval from the family; unfortunately, if you’re shy, it may take you a while to warm up to new people. God forbid your future in-laws (fingers crossed) mistake your shyness for rudeness.
If you’re not sure what you can say to break the ice when meeting his family, try these two icebreakers.
- Find something…anything..to compliment.
A great icebreaker, and somewhat mandatory when it comes to meeting your guy’s mother, is to pay a compliment. If you’re meeting at his mother’s house, offer a compliment on how amazing the home décor is or anything else that she seems to take pride in. If you’re meeting elsewhere, pay her a compliment on her blouse or hair. It’s always best to start the initial meeting with a compliment. It creates a more positive environment.
This can be very tricky because you don’t want to pry into people’s family business. So keep the questions simple. “How’s the rest of the family?” This question is simple yet shows concern and interest. Usually it will spark other conversation.
The First Date
There are a plethora of first date icebreakers, partly because there are genuinely so many things that you would like to know about your date. Still, for those who are shy, diving in to ask questions can be quite difficult. Try these very basic icebreakers that will get your date talking; and if you’re really shy, maybe he will lead the conversation from there.
This question is so simple yet so relevant. If you’re at a restaurant, which is usually the ‘norm’ for a first date, ask him if he frequents the restaurant often. If he says yes, ask him what his favorite dish is. That’s a two-for-one icebreaker.
- Questions About His Background
Keep these questions basic on the first date. Ask where he’s from, if he lives in the area, etc. These are basic icebreakers that generate conversation without prying too much.
- Questions About His Future
Some say asking a man what he does professionally is a bit abrasive; but if you’re on a date, why wouldn’t you? Still there are tactful ways to do so. Asking “So, what profession are you in?” isn’t a bad icebreaker, especially if you follow it up with, “So do you enjoy your job?” That shows interest and no judgment on his professional industry, whether a garbage man or a high-profile attorney.
The Office Party
You see your co-workers at least 40 hours a week. If that’s not enough, you’re forced to attend occasional office parties. Somehow you have to muster up enough conversation to get you through the party. So what do you say to people you actually have no interest in speaking to after work?
Office parties probably offer the most icebreakers for the socially shy because the event is linked by a very close common denominator: you work at the same place. So allow your icebreakers to play off of that factor. Just be careful that in the midst of your social anxiety, you don’t bad mouth your company or other co-workers.
- How’s it going in (insert department)?
Starting a conversation with someone in another department is somewhat easy. Because you’re in different departments, simply asking about their area sparks a conversation and shows interest in the other person; and even if you could care less what’s going on with Jill in Sales, it will definitely get you on Jill’s good side. And it never hurts to know someone with an inside scoop on a department you might want to work in sometime in the future.
- Introduce Yourself and Your Department
This may be being overly ambitious for the painfully shy, but introducing yourself at an office party can solely consist of “Hey, I’m (insert your name here). I work in (your department). Which department do you work in?”
- ‘Are You Enjoying The Party?’
This icebreaker is easy and self-explanatory; and trust me, it will generate a conversation.
