First Date Sexual Harassment We Often Overlook - Page 4

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This is something many women don’t want to admit, and understandably so, but here goes. By the time we’ve spent hours setting up online dating profiles, filtering messages, having that preliminary phone call, making plans, getting dressed, and driving to a date, we so want the date to go well, that we turn a blind eye to some behavior that is just not appropriate.

We all do it. It’s a damn shame to put in all of that work, just to have your date prove himself a garbage person in the first ten minutes. That’s why, among many other things, sexual harassment is something we overlook on first dates. Many of us don’t even recognize it because it’s (sadly) so commonplace. But that doesn’t make it okay. Here are first date forms of sexual harassment too many of us let slide.

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You have a better body than I even imagined

It’s flattering, at first. But on second thought, it means he has spent a lot of time thinking about your body and finds it completely okay to say so. It’s not the same as “you’re beautiful.”

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The hand on the lower back

Some men do this any time they simply walk behind a woman they don’t even know. A lot of men believe that once they’re on a date with you, they’re entitled to put their hands on you. But that’s not true—even if it’s “just the lower back.”

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You don’t seem like a “sex on the first date” type

As if to say what? That there would be something wrong with you if you did have sex on the first date? By saying this to you, a man automatically makes you feel that you can’t just make your own natural decision about sex on the first date. You will either be living up to or disappoint some idea, and it’s unfair.

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Tricking you to take your jacket or sweater off

It seems so innocent—a man asking for the indoor table at the restaurant, so you’ll take your jacket off. But it is making you a physical object to be admired and leered at.

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Asking you to repeat something that sounded sexual

If you say something that accidentally sounds sexual, your date might jokingly ask you to say it again. It might seem funny and harmless, but he is trying to make you do something you don’t want to do.

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Commenting on your gag reflex

When you recover from choking on your water or pasta quickly, and your date makes a remark on how you have “little gag” reflex—that’s sexual harassment.

Pressuring you to tell scandalous stories

Asking you how many people you’ve been with, asking if you’ve ever slept with a woman, asking where the strangest place is you’ve had sex…this all counts as sexual harassment. If you don’t want to give up the information and your date pushes for it, that’s not okay.

Telling you about their hookups

If your date tells you stories about his sexual escapades, in spite of the fact that you’re making it clear it makes you uncomfortable, that is sexual harassment.

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Any unwanted information

Any unwanted information about his sex life, or anybody else’s sex life, is sexual harassment.

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Saying it’s “okay if you get too drunk…doesn’t bother me.”

If you say you don’t want to get too drunk, your date should be on your team and make sure you don’t. He shouldn’t say, “It doesn’t bother me…” and pour you another drink. If it bothers you, it should bother him.

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Turning your words into sexual innuendo

If you say a perfectly non-sexual sentence, and your date pulls some sexual meaning out of it, that’s sexual harassment. He’s essentially projecting sexual behavior onto you that you didn’t even do.

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Taking offense to you calling out their behavior

If you tell a man he is making you uncomfortable, and rather than apologizing and changing his behavior, he points a finger at you, calls you insensitive, and gets angry with you, he is harassing you.

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Asking for a picture

Your first date should not ask for a nude picture after the first date. Even if he says, “It couldn’t hurt to ask.” Yes, it could.