Breakup Behavior That’s Not Okay Once You’re An Adult - Page 8

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Some breakup behavior is just not okay once you’re an adult. The cutoff time for the really crazy stuff is college graduation. And let’s not get caught up on technicalities if you went back to school late—your early twenties should see the end of really reactionary breakup behavior. No matter how or why things ended—whether your partner cheated, was neglectful of you, or was even straight up mean to you—when you break up with somebody, that should be (at least for a while) the end of your interactions with them. Mature people understand that when a breakup happens, they’ve just eliminated a relationship that was not meant to be in their lives. They don’t get angry about it. They don’t become vengeful (what’s the point of vengeance? The breakup was the vengeance—move on!) They just peacefully accept that some relationships aren’t meant to be. Then there are people who indulge in this breakup behavior that really shouldn’t happen as an adult.

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Aggressive social media posts

Directly calling out your ex on social media—whether it’s through tagging him, or hijacking his Facebook page to rant about him—is middle school behavior that screams “Anger issues!” If you know you’re correct in your feelings about someone, you shouldn’t need the validation of everyone else’s “Likes” and comments.

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Passive aggressive social media posts

Maybe you don’t call your ex out directly. But you do write things like, “It’s incredible how some people are so selfish in relationships.” We all know who that someone is you’re talking about.

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Seeking to make them jealous

So, within a week of the breakup, you’ve managed to find a new boyfriend, and go on two vacations with him, and document every waking moment of them for Instagram? Something smells of attention-seeking.

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Ruining their reputation

Publishing details about how financially irresponsible or unhygienic your ex was doesn’t help you in any way. It just makes you look petty—and nobody trusts what a petty person has to say, anyways.

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Stalking their new dates

Even if you think you’re just “warning” them about what a bad boyfriend your ex could be, only a crazy person finds out who their ex is dating and reaches out to them. Period. And those women are not going to listen to your warning, simply because you’ve already proven yourself to be crazy by reaching out in the first place.

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Asking for gifts back

Hey, you gave those when you were feeling warm and loving towards that person. You don’t have any claim to those anymore. Imagine if people who’ve given you gifts, and who you no longer talk to, started asking for their stuff back? You’d probably have a pretty empty apartment.

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Endless angry text messages

Why are you still telling him everything he did wrong and all the ways he sucks? You broke up with him because of those reasons. There should be nothing else to discuss.

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Getting sh-tfaced for weeks on end

You are entitled to one night of drinking the pain away. But a week or multi-week-long benders, in which you tell anyone who will listen, the story of your breakup, should end in college.

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Seeking to hurt their career

This is personal; that is business. You really shouldn’t be messing with your ex’s life at all, but you really have no right messing with someone’s ability to make a living. So don’t send his boss the mean texts the ex used to send you about him.

Seeking to hurt or offend their family

Calling your ex’s mom to let her know all the bad things he’s ever done doesn’t help anyone. It just makes you really, really mean.

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Seeking to get their family/friends on your side

If you call his friends to tell them every nasty thing he ever said about them, what’s that for? They’re not going to become your friend all of a sudden—you just proved yourself to be untrustworthy!

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Airing their dirty relationship laundry

They were cheap on dates, they were terrible listeners, they were selfish in bed…whatever the issues, keep them to yourself (and your circle of best friends, sure). If you publish those, you’ll only scare other men away from ever dating you.

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Criticizing their bed techniques

Speaking of them being terrible in bed, don’t. This, again, will make other men want to stay as far away from you as possible. They don’t want you doing that to them.

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Blogs about…just blogs

Oh no—don’t blog. Please don’t do that to anybody. We don’t need to read your ramblings about how things began and ended and everything in between. You think they’re well-written, but they’re probably actually quite messy because you’re so emotional. We can read, like, romance novels if we want that stuff.

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Calling from unlisted numbers

Calling from unlisted numbers and hanging up, just to hear his voice, or to terrify him, is incredibly juvenile.

Meeting up, just to yell

This is a classic high school move; sending a very friendly, calm text saying you should, “Meet up to talk about things” so you can lure the ex to a coffee shop and throw a drink on him.

Yelling at every man in sight

When you’re a grownup, you should learn not to project your anger about what one man did onto every man you encounter.

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Becoming litigious

You may think you want to pay a lawyer thousands of dollars so you can sue your ex for the $200 you lent him, but you’ll regret it when you’re broke and still angry.

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Getting really hot and posting all the selfies

Everybody sees right through this. What are the chances that, immediately following a breakup, you should get the urge to get a six pack and only wear crop tops? Oh, and post twelve selfies a day.