Why Your Parents Are Really So Critical Of Your Partner
Parents disapproving of their children’s partners is an issue as old as time. It’s something that most people fight with their parents about, and it’s usually the hottest topic of discussion at holiday dinners. It can be incredibly frustrating when your parents don’t approve of your partner—it can feel like they don’t approve of you. Your partner is an extension of yourself, so when your parents criticize him, it feels like they’re criticizing you and your sense of judgment. Some parents come in subtly, dropping hints that your partner isn’t perfect; others will state it to your face — and his — in no uncertain terms. However they do it, it can make your blood boil. But they have their reasons. Here is why your parents are so critical of your partner.
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You’re their investment
Practically speaking, they’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on food, clothes, medical bills, driving lessons, piano lessons, and more for you over the years. They’re not going to let some guy turn you into a house wife, or his receptionist, or a backpacking hippie. Can he continue to grow their investment or not?
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He’s a reflection of them
Whether you like it or not, you’re probably drawn to your partner because he shares some qualities with your parents. They see it too, and in him, they see a young version of themselves. They also remember how—quite frankly—sh*tty they were at your age. They were unorganized, insensitive and irresponsible and they worry your partner is too!
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He’s the opposite of them
You probably also like your partner because, in some ways, he is the opposite of your parents. You know it’s true. You know it. They know it, too. Your parents see that you’re drawn to a capitalist because they were always socialists.
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He has sex with you
Well, duh. It’s only natural that parents hate the man who has sex with their daughter, at least a little.
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They have their own issues
You don’t know everything that goes on in your parent’s marriage. Maybe things have been rocky lately, and seeing a happy, loving, enthusiastic couple makes them angrily jealous. They’re only human.
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You have the opposite of their issues
If your parents fight because your dad no longer plans adventurous dates for them, and your partner has something new and exciting up his sleeve every weekend, your relationship is bound to bring out their issues.
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His work is unstable
Most people have jobs with some instability. But, most parents can’t help but wish that their daughter just married an investment banker or a doctor. They can’t help it—they hate the idea of you not having every material item you want in this life.
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He doesn’t reach out enough
Hey, sometimes parents just want their child’s partner to reach out to them more. You know, give them a phone call, send an email, drop by for coffee. If he doesn’t, then your parents can feel that he only sees them with you out of obligation.
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They miss Joe
Or Robert or Tyler or whoever that one boyfriend was who they always loved for you. It was in your settling phase when you dated the man who worshiped the ground you walked on (and the ground your parents walked on) but you weren’t that into him. Your parents are still grieving that breakup.
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He gets you for holidays
If the relationship is serious then you’re likely splitting holidays between your family and your partner’s family. As far as your parents see it, your partner takes you away on major holidays now.
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Genetics
In theory, you’ll have kids with this man one day. So, in theory, you’ll perpetuate your bloodline with him. Your parents don’t like the idea of new blood entering the bloodline. They like things the way they are.
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He’s dated other women
Hey, your parents are kind of like you in this way! They hate that your partner has been with other people in the past. They can’t help but think, “How could he have ever thought anybody was better than our baby girl!” (He didn’t even know you then, of course, but they don’t think about that).
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He gets more time with you
If nature wins, your partner will be on this planet after your parents leave it. Your parents know that, and they envy him that he gets to keep spending time with you when they won’t.
