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The first step to building a life-long relationship is, of course, finding someone with whom you have a blast! After that, you try to make sure you have the same values. You can try to draw out the details of those things, and make it more complicated, but really, if you ask most couples why they either fight or get along, it boils down to whether or not they enjoy one another’s company, and agree on the fundamentals of life.

Once you find that, there is this third step that is a bit more tricky. In fact, it’s the reason that relationships become turbulent after the honeymoon phase, or after couples have children. That third step is being selfless. If you both commit to being so, you can have a relationship that always feels loving and supportive. Being selfless, in its essence, means putting the good of the relationship above the good of your personal, selfish wants. But it means so much more when put to the test. Here is what it truly means to be selfless in a relationship.

 

Corbis

Corbis

You don’t remember your good deeds

You don’t keep track of the kind things you do for your partner so you can later throw them in his face when you want something.

 

 

 

 

White Lies Everyone Tells

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You won’t complain to him about what you’ve done

Doing something nice for someone means just doing it, and not saying anything about it. It doesn’t mean complaining about how annoying or inconvenient it is. If you’re going to do that, then you may as well not do the nice thing in the first place.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

You go out of your way to make it look easy

Not only do you remain quiet about all the hard work you put into doing something nice for your partner, but you also go out of your way to hide it! You don’t want him feeling guilty that you got up early, or worked extra shifts, to do something for him. You just want him to have the nice thing, without a side of guilt.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You know when to let a fight go

You understand that on some days, even though something is really bothering you about the relationship, something is really bothering your partner in life much more. Maybe he lost his job, or a friend deeply betrayed him. You have perspective on those days, and you decide to put your issue aside until a better day.

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Shutterstock

You’ll forsake the fondness of others for him

If your partner has had the worst day in the world, and all he wants is this one item of fast food, and you get to the drive through, and they’re closing, you’ll get bossy with the cashier. You’ll do whatever it takes to get your boo his curly fries. The cashier won’t like you after, and that’s okay: right now, you’re on your partner’s team.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

You give him the leftovers you really wanted

Now that is selfless. You’ve been looking forward to your left over pizza all day. But when you get home, your partner has had the toughest day, he’s been awake for 18 hours, he has no groceries, and he’s starving. So you give him your pizza. You weren’t that hungry anyways.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You only sing his praises, even when you’re fighting

You may be in a fight with him, but to the world, you’re getting along. Part of being selfless means knowing, even in a fight, that ultimately you want the world to know how great your partner is. You won’t sully his reputation, even though he is currently driving you nuts.

Shutterstock

Shutterstock

You leave arguments with his family on the table

He may have a sibling or parent whose values you really do not agree with. In fact, sometimes they kind of offend you. But you look at the big picture and realize that it’s important to your partner that you get along with his family. You leave the argument on the table.