Traits That Might Make You Unapproachable

You sacrificed watching a new episode of your favorite show, used some of your most expensive lipstick, washed your hair and spent $9 on this cocktail so, dammit, somebody better talk to you at this bar, right? Well it’s possible you did all that for nothing if you do things that make you unapproachable as well. Unfortunately, you may not even realize you’re behavior is counterproductive to your amazing exterior. Between breakups, strange dates, and awkward encounters, we can build up some defense mechanisms and traits throughout our lives that we aren’t even aware of. At one time, those mechanisms and traits may have served a purpose; they may have protected you, defended you against toxic people and helped you feel safe. But now, they might just be getting in your way of meeting somebody. So here are traits that make you pretty unapproachable.

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You don’t look around

When you walk into a room, you don’t look around. You beeline it for the one person you know, or for the bar. This gives off the impression that you have no interest in surprise encounters.

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Or you look around too much

You can’t focus on the people with whom you’re talking. You always look around the room as if you’re looking for a more interesting conversation.

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You overdress

It’s wonderful that you know how to dress well! But if you wear a bandage dress and chandelier earrings to a hole-in-the-wall bar, people feel like you’re just waiting until you get to go somewhere better.

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You underdress

You’re comfortable in your sweat pants; that’s wonderful. However, they can give off the impression that you’re just waiting until you’re allowed to go home.

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You look suspicious a lot

Anytime somebody talks, you raise your eyebrows as if to say, “Is this person for real?”

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You check your phone or watch constantly

Nobody is going to approach you if they feel like you’re stressed about being somewhere else, or meeting someone else.

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You do all the talking

If somebody is watching you from across the room and realizes you do all of the talking–interrupting your friend anytime she tries to interject–they might see you as someone who bulldozes other people.

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You wear your professional clothes everywhere

You won’t take off your blazer, or swap your briefcase for a purse, even when you’re going to happy hour. It can make people feel like you’re all work and no fun.

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You bring your dog everywhere

Hey, who doesn’t love a cute dog?! But if you insist on bringing your registered therapy dog into every single bar, restaurant, coffee shop, and potential pick-up place, and have her sit on your lap, the pet can look like a boundary.

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You test people

You bring up awkward, personal or uncomfortable topics to see how people respond. Nobody likes to be tested; it makes the interaction feel inauthentic.

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You wear a lot of makeup

When it comes to makeup, to each their own but ideally you feel comfortable enough in your own skin to not have to wear layers of the stuff. It’s bad for your skin, it’s expensive, it’s time-consuming, and it can come off as an emotional boundary.

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You show your wealth

Brand names, giant designer bags, bottles of Grey Goose for the table…you earned this lifestyle, and you should get to enjoy it. Right? Yes, but it probably means that men who aren’t wealthy won’t talk to you. Even wealthy men might stay away, thinking that you cherish money too much.