Hilarious Ways To Ruin Sexting
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Role play gone wrong
When your boo sends you a sext saying he wants to play your college Shakespeare professor and you play the naughty school girl, and you text back saying you never took Shakespeare in college and all of your professors were women.
Leaving your phone at the wrong time
Do not leave your phone unattended in the middle of sexting. You never know who might look at your screen. Like, your boss. Or, your child.
Or lending it to someone at the wrong time
Be totally certain that the sexting is over before letting your best friend borrow your phone. She doesn’t need to read about how sticky your face is when she’s just trying to Google Maps Chipotle.
Too many typos
“I want to duck you…I mean tuck you…I mean OH FORGET IT.”
Interrupting it for logistics
“Oooh yeah. More of that. Oh you know what? The UPS guy is here. Do you want me to send that package out with him for you? The one for your mom?”
Sexting with the wrong person
You’re halfway through, you start mentioning pulling his locs and his chocolate skin, and he says: “Wait. Who do you think this is? I’m light-skinned with a fade.”
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Sounding too aggressive
There’s a fine line between sexting rough, and telling someone you want to choke them until you see the whites of their eyes. That could sound like a threat.
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Not understanding what “bad” means
“Have you been a bad girl?” “Yes. I received one of my neighbor’s Amazon deliveries by accident and I haven’t given it to them yet.” “Oh. Okay…”
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Being too honest
When a man asks you to describe your va-jay-jay through sex, and you tell him there are a few stray hairs you didn’t get to because you’re bad at shaving down there.
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Mixing up pet names
It might be fun to call your partner “Boss” or “Daddy” in bed, but don’t change his name to that in your phone for sexting purposes. You might end up texting your real boss or daddy.
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Responding to a group thread
You know how sometimes, in a smartphone, when you begin typing a text to one person, the phone suggests adding other contacts who you’ve included in group threads before? And you know how sometimes, you add those contacts on accident…
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Finishing in a real way
Hey um, if you’re a man, you should take advantage of the fact that in sexting, just because you finish doesn’t have to mean it’s over. So, don’t just tell your sext partner that you already came, leaving her high and dry. Your fingers can still type!
Being honest about what you’re wearing
If your boo sexts you and asks what you’re wearing, he doesn’t have to know that you’re wearing drawstring pants, an apron, and a hoodie. You can lie this time.
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Mentioning the time of the month
“Wanna sext?” “I’m on my period…” Yeah that doesn’t really matter here.
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Being picky
Your sext partner tells you he’s doing you doggy style and you tell him, “That position doesn’t really work for me.” It doesn’t matter–it’s not real!
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Being clean
Your sext partner tells you he wants to have sex all over the kitchen counters, but you remind him that you just cleaned them. Again…it’s not real.
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Bringing up food allergies
If your boo texts you a dirty description of covering you in whipped cream and licking it off, you don’t need to remind him that you’re lactose intolerant.
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Failing to mind the background
If you send your sexting partner a photo of you naked, standing in front of a bunch of his family photos…he’ll experience very mixed feelings.
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The wrong memory
“Do the things you did to me that one time we were on that train in Belgium.” “I was never on a train in Belgium with you…”
