How To Bounce Back When The First Date Is Trash

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Some first dates can be truly disturbing, like the ones you go on with the man who just cries the entire time about how his wife left him for her yoga instructor or the ones you go on with the guy who arrives with a clipboard of questions on which he is clearly giving you a grade. When you put yourself out there to date, you also welcome in a lot of odd, unstable and just plain disturbing characters. You just have to work your way through them to find the good ones, but boy can that work leave you feeling dejected, demoralized and disgusted sometimes. It’s a good idea to have some go-to techniques to recover from really bad first dates, so they don’t leave a bad taste in your mouth and put you off to dating entirely. Here are 15 ways to bounce back from a disturbing first date.

Realize you’ve been there, too

Okay maybe you’ve never cried on a first date, but you’ve been in the position before when you went on dates while you were still too fragile to do, so. Don’t be too frightened of the unstable dates; they’ll come around just like you did.

Stop questioning your filter

You might become terrified, thinking you just don’t know how to spot the crazies! Don’t do that to yourself. Most of the world is pretty good at making a first impression. This could have happened to anybody.

But, take a moment to reflect on your filter

You probably just met your very first super needy/neurotic/controlling/whatever the flawed personality type is. Now you can evaluate them, and take note of ways you can identify this type of person in the future. This can be a learning experience.

Stay away from the Internet

This isn’t a time to check your dating profiles. You might eagerly say yes to a date with anyone, just trying to rinse out the bad taste left in your mouth by the last one.

Call a friend and laugh about it

If you call your best friend and tell her what happened, she can probably tell you five other women that this has happened to, and you can just laugh.

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Go be with your best friend

See a good friend. Remind yourself that you have a wonderful network of close relationships, so you don’t have to date any of these, er, characters you’ve been meeting.

Cut ties if you need to

Some dates leave you so disturbed that you can’t stand the thought of the guy even thinking he might see you again. If you need to, for your own sanity, send a text right after the date saying, “You seem wonderful but I don’t feel any chemistry here.” Get him out of your system fast!

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See your male friends

Remind yourself that there are sane, kind and stable men out there. You just didn’t happen to go on a date with one of those tonight.

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Look for the silver lining

Now you know the happy hour at that sushi place is great, and you know exactly where to find free parking.

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Make adjustments to your profile

This isn’t a good time to make new dates, but it could be a good time to make adjustments to your profile. Maybe you, personally, would like to add that you’re not interested in dating men who are recently divorced. Make this time productive.

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Be proud of yourself for doing the work

You had to go on this date to meet the wonderful partner you will one day meet. Consider this the hard work portion of dating and be proud of yourself for doing it.

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And don’t judge yourself

Don’t start worrying that you attract these characters. The truth is, maybe you do, but you attract them because you are strong, stable and cheery. Sometimes sad, unstable people are drawn to stable people because they want some of that strength. Take it as a compliment.

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Promise yourself you’ll do phone calls first

This is a great time to make a new dating rule for yourself; you will do a phone call or Skype call with all your dates before meeting in person. You’ll be amazed what sorts of traits you can sniff out (and eliminate) in just one call.

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Watch a quirky romantic comedy

You know–the kind in which the lead character has to go on some nightmare dates before finding her partner, too. It will lift you up a little.

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Block if you have to

If your date frightened you in any way, block his phone number, email address, and social media accounts immediately. Intimidating and aggressive men shouldn’t even get to take a small step into your life.