What To Prepare For When You Tell A Man You Have Herpes

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If you’re a woman with genital herpes, you’re by no means alone — according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 6 people between the ages of 14 and 49 has Herpes Simplex 2 –but you can feel very alone when it comes to dating. It’s hard to know when to tell a new boyfriend or somebody you’re casually seeing that you have genital herpes. If you say it early, you could scare them off–but maybe it’s better to know that before you become attached. If you tell them late, they could feel betrayed and like you withheld important information. The right partner will accept that you have genital herpes, and realize it would be silly to walk away from a great person over an easily contained condition. But when you’re in the dating phase, there’s no way to predict how every individual will respond to the news. Here are a few reactions to prepare for.

“Well we can be friends”

Some men just won’t consider dating someone with genital herpes. They would rather not even see if they could have feelings for you and cut things off now. But they don’t judge you.

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“Oh…that sucks”

Some men won’t be discreet at all or try to hide their disappointment. They may even noticeably zone out the rest of the date.

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“Don’t you know how to use condoms?”

Some men will judge. They assume you must be irresponsible if you have herpes. Kindly correct them.

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“Well, you can still do stuff to me”

Then you get the selfish guys who just think of how you can still pleasure them without putting them at risk.

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“Well, let’s see how this goes”

Some men will dangle sex over you, like a carrot. As if to say, “If I like you enough, I’ll have sex with you and take the risk.”

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“Do you have it, like, now?”

Some men will just want to know if you’re currently having a breakout, and if not, they’ll want to take the opportunity to have sex.

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“Who gave it to you?”

As if it matters at all, but some guys want to know who gave you herpes. Maybe they want to try to judge your choices in partners.

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“Oh me too. Perfect”

Some guys will confess that they have it, too. Then they’ll assume you’re eager to jump into bed with them.”

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“You should’ve told me before our first date”

Some guys feel that you “tricked” them into going on a date with them and that you should have told them about your herpes even before the first date.

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“I’ve dated women with that before”

Some guys will just calmly tell you that they’ve been down this road before and they know how to navigate it.

“Well, I don’t use condoms so”

You may learn that your date is pretty irresponsible. He might tell you he refuses to use condoms, and so dating you is out of the question.

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“What does it look like?”

Then you get the curious guy who thinks that you’re some sort of living health textbook he can ask questions of.

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“I have to think about this”

This is a reasonable response: some guys are taken aback by the information and don’t want to say anything in the moment that they don’t mean.

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“So…What can we do in bed?”

Some men will start negotiations. They want you to give them an itemized list of things that are safe to do.