Subtle Ways You Constantly Put Yourself Down - Page 18

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People don’t always realize the power of words. You may not think that you do much harm by putting yourself down because just because you say something bad about yourself, doesn’t make that bad thing true—right? Well. Yes and no. When you say negative things about yourself, you start to push your own ideas of yourself on to other people. But what’s more is that, when you hear yourself say negative things about yourself out loud, those ideas slip even deeper into your subconscious, and come out in your behavior. In other words, putting yourself down can be a form of a self-fulfilling prophecy. What’s worse is that this behavior can attract the wrong people. Like men looking for women with low self-esteem who they feel they can control and mold. It can also attract sad, unstable people because they believe you’re just as unstable. A lot of people don’t even realize they put themselves down.But if you’re regularly saying the following things you’re doing just that.

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You say, “It’s not that big of a deal” a lot

Anytime somebody finds something that you’ve done amazing, you say, “It’s not a big deal.” Then you list other people who’ve done the same thing, but better and faster.

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You diminish your career accomplishments

When someone congratulates you on your career accomplishments, you just list all of the bigger things you still need to do.

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You say all the ways your outfit went wrong

If somebody compliments you on the way you look, you go into a long story about how these aren’t even the pants you wanted to wear, but you no longer fit into the ones you wanted to wear, and these were the only ones that matched your boring tops.

You openly envy people

When you tell another woman that you like something about her, you don’t say it with a happy tone. Rather you say it sadly, like, “I wish I were like that…”

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You excuse people who wrong you

If somebody bumps into you, you say, “It’s okay. Honestly, I’m taking up too much space.” If somebody is an hour late for dinner, you say, “It’s okay. I chose a bad time for dinner.”

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You criticize the things that you like

If people find out about your interests and hobbies, you start putting those down and listing all of the reasons why they’re silly.

You’re embarrassed if someone catches you killing it

If someone catches you doing something you’re great at, like singing or boxing, you’re embarrassed and stop instantly.

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You’re shy to suggest an activity

When a group of people, or your date, discusses what you should do for the evening, you never speak up. If people ask for your suggestion, you always preface it with, “It’s a stupid idea. Nobody will want to do it.”

You even excuse your sh-tty exes

You’ve had exes who cheated on you, dated your best friend, or did other horrible things and you even make excuses for them. You talk about how your behavior encouraged theirs.

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You constantly apologize when you cook

When you make dinner for a date, you make apologies for every little thing. You apologize that things are taking too long, you apologize for not getting better wine, you apologize for adding too much salt.

You’re given a lot of mantra books

On birthdays and holidays, you receive a lot of books with positive mantras. You also get a lot of inspirational quotes in pretty frames.

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You get long, “It’s not you, it’s me” speeches

Anytime somebody breaks up with you, they give you a long, “It’s not you, it’s me” speech. And they give you lots of reasons why it’s not you. They want to make sure you understand it’s not you.

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Friends call, “Just to check on you” a lot

You get a lot of calls from friends with concerned voices saying, “I was just checking in…seeing how that insert life event like doctor’s visit here went.” They worry that you don’t feel anybody thinks you’re important.

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You won’t let people celebrate/promote you

You will not let people toast to your promotion, or throw a dinner in honor of your new apartment.

But people go out of their way to do it

Ironically, people go out of their way to celebrate small things that happen in your life because they feel you desperately need validation.

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It makes you nauseous to compliment yourself

If someone asks you to say something nice about yourself, you just cannot do it. If you do, you tack on an insult at the end.

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You’ve suggested someone else for the job you want

Even though you really wanted a job, you found yourself suggesting why somebody else would be good for it. Your boss even offered it to you, but you said somebody else would be better.

You’ve suggested somebody else for the man you want

You’ve been crazy about men, but you ended up setting them up with your friends.