Toxic Thoughts To Ignore After Being Cheated On - Page 19

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Being cheated on is an experience that really tests your strength of character. For some people, it builds their resolve; for others it’s such a traumatic and painful experience that it can warp your perspective of everything else in life. Usually, when we think of traumatic experiences, we think of things that happen in our childhood, when we are still easily influenced and developing our ideas on life. But adults are not immune to having their ideas completely shifted by a negative experience. It’s important to know that if you have been cheated on, changes are happening in your brain that could affect the rest of your life. If you stay on top of them and combat them, you can still have happy, healthy relationships. That’s why you need to fight off these 20 toxic thoughts.

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There must have been signs

Don’t torture yourself by analyzing all of the beginning moments of the relationship. Don’t tell yourself that you were dumb or blind by missing signs. You were trusting and went into this with an open heart. You weren’t dumb; you were brave.

I attract bad guys

Many women who are cheated on fear that they come off as demure, as easy to take advantage of and as weak. Stop that. You’re kind, thoughtful, generous and open. One day, this will attract a man who cherishes those values. Unfortunately, some men look to take advantage of those, and you just found one of those this time.

All men are cheaters

That’s entirely unfair and untrue. You probably know of several happy, long-term couples who have never gone through infidelity. In fact, you could probably name ten male friends and family members who you know for certain would never cheat.

I’m going to put up my guard

Your instinct will be to protect yourself, so you’ll become cold towards all men. But this will scare off sweet, empathetic men and attract angry, combative ones. The strong thing to do after being cheated on is to remain open.

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I should get him back and cheat on him

Come on now. You know this will only leave you feeling disgusted with yourself, and that’s if you carry out your plan. In all likelihood, if you get him back, you’ll fall back in love with him, and he’ll cheat on you again.

The other woman was hotter than me

Comparing yourself to other women is a waste of time. And, if you and the guy were truly compatible, then you would be, in his eyes, the hottest woman in the world. He cheated on you because he sucks; not because the other woman was hotter.

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I must be bad at sex

First of all, you’re probably good at sex. Second of all, men really aren’t picky. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but they have to fight the urge to orgasm within one minute of sex. Your bedrooms skills were not the problem.

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I’ll never be able to trust again

Yes, you will. It will take some work on your part, but also, there will be a guy who is so warm, communicative and kind that you won’t be able to help trusting him.

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I bet everybody knew

You might feel embarrassed thinking that everybody knew but you. You think your friends must think you’re stupid or naïve.

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Now I can’t trust my friends

Next, you’ll get angry at your friends. How could they know and not tell you?! Look: they probably didn’t know. Some may have suspected, but they wouldn’t blow up your relationship over a suspicion that wasn’t backed up by facts. They were just trying to protect you.

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The whole relationship was a sham

You may think that every moment was fake—that when he said he loved you, he didn’t mean it. He probably did believe that he loved you, but he doesn’t really know what love is.

I’m going to become a lesbian

Infidelity is not only reserved for men. Women cheat, too. And you can’t change your sexuality, so this is all a moot point.

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I’m going to join a convent

Life may feel so terrifying right now that you’d rather just give yours up to God. Nuns can’t have sex so they can’t get cheated on, right? Sure. But they also can’t pursue career goals, travel the world, enjoy cocktails…you get the idea.

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I’m going to change everything about myself

“I’m going to become so undeniably hot and successful that nobody would ever consider cheating on me.” Guess what? Even the women who you consider to be perfect have been cheated on. You need to find a better partner, not be a better person.

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Maybe I should take him back

If the cheater is asking for a second chance, you might consider giving him one. You hear that cheating is so common you think that maybe you just have to accept it as a part of life. Stop that! Cheating is common. Faithful relationships are also common. So, which do you really want?

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I’m going to smash his car up

That’s going to land you in jail and might make your insurance policies skyrocket. It’s also an act that will follow you around forever and scare other men off.

I’m going to smash her car up

See above. But now you also have a woman who probably wants to come smash your car up.

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I’m moving to the wilderness

Silent meditation communities that live in the wilderness without electricity might seem appealing right now. This is just an alternative to the convent.

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I should just get a sugar daddy or arranged marriage

You might become sour to the idea of true love entirely. You might think you should get into some money-for-affection arrangement or an arranged marriage. That is a cop out. In fact, that’s proof that you still crave companionship.