Dating A Romantic Man Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be - Page 14

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We’re too hard on men for not being romantic. You see it all of the time—women complaining that their partner isn’t spontaneous enough, that he never purchases roses from the woman selling them on the corner, and that he’s never once purchased a surprise pair of plane tickets for the two of them to jet off somewhere. But honestly, that’s just not fair. Maybe the romantic guy isn’t who you want to spend your life with. And maybe your “non-romantic guy” is romantic in his own ways. But if you keep pushing him to show it in these artificial, made-up, mass-produced ways, he’ll stop showing you romance in every way. (Yeah, I’m saying you may not get laid for a while). The word romance needs to get off the pedestal and be pulled from the titles of best-seller books. Here are reasons you shouldn’t date the romantic guy.

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Because you should pick the destination

Um, hello. If your guy surprises you with plane tickets and the news that he already got your boss to give you the time off work, you would probably think, “Hold on. So you just chose how I’d spend my rare and precious vacation days?”

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Because sometimes you’re just hungry

The romantic guy will not choose a restaurant until he has confirmed the ambiance is perfect, there is live music, and it’s a good place to gaze into each other’s eyes etc. But guess what? For most meals in life, you’re just hungry and want to eat so you can go to bed.

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Because he can be delusional

The romantic guy believes that the two of you could be happy living in a tent, bartering for goods. That’s fun when you’re drunk at Coachella—not when you’re forty.

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Because you have to be romantic too

News flash: if he’s always pulling out all of the stops then you have to, too. Are you ready for that?

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You can’t fart in front of him

The romantic guy doesn’t like real moments, like moments where somebody farts. But life is full of real moments! There aren’t actually violins providing a soundtrack in real life. Squeaky, old pipes, and farts provide the soundtrack.

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Because he can be controlling

Some guys show romance through money. They constantly buy you expensive presents and trips. You know what else this guy is called? The guy who expects you to quit your job, have no male friends and remain directly by his side as a trophy.

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Because he won’t get weird in bed

Romantic guys need sex to be all about, well, the romance. They usually won’t get down with a– play or things that vibrate or whips.

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Because he’s not a planner

Romantic guys aren’t good at planning. They can plan their romantic gestures, but outside of that, they are bored by conversations about, like, using a Groupon before it expires. But these are important conversations.

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Because he doesn’t have friends

You know who doesn’t like super romantic guys? Most men. Which is why your romantic guy doesn’t have friends aka doesn’t have a life aka needs you to be his life.

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Because he isn’t very helpful

Roses and chocolates and vacations don’t fix broken toilets. Men who are willing to get down and dirty and fix non-romantic items fix broken toilets.

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Because they put you on a pedestal

Romantic guys idealize you. They tell you that you’re so sweet, so feminine, so sensual. You end up feeling like you can never be bitchy, masculine and awkward. But you are also those things.

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Because they can’t throw down

Romantic guys split bottles of Chianti. But they won’t’ do a good old fashioned pub crawl where everybody is crawling out of the bar drunk by the end of the night.

They hold things up

They want the table with the most romantic view, or the room with the most romantic view, or the seat closest to the music. You just want to put your bags down and sit down, damnit!

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They’ll drag you to cultural things

Your life will be museums and book readings and philosophical lectures and French films. You will never get to see another “Fast and the Furious” movie again.