Are You His Second Wife? Here’s What To Prepare For

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When most women think of meeting the one and walking down the isle, they usually imagine that their betrothed is doing it for the first time. So, when a woman falls in love with a man who has been married once before, it can be a bit jarring for the fantasy in her head. Being a second wife can be a great thing, though! Many men get married far too young, and only figure out who they are, what they want out of a partner and what they want out of their life after getting a divorce. Marrying a man who has been previously married doesn’t have to mean marrying an embittered man—it could mean marrying a man who is more stable and secure in himself than most men. There are, however, a few things you need to be prepared for if you’re going to be a man’s second wife.

He may want to marry fast

Don’t be put off if things are going great with your divorced man, and he’s ready to marry within a year. Sometimes divorced men learn so much about themselves and what they need in a partner from their first marriage, that they know it when they see it.

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He’ll be too familiar with prenups

He never thought he’d need a prenup before, and then he got divorced. So now he may bring the topic up rather quickly. Try not to take it personally; he just wants to protect himself, and any children he may have had in his previous marriage.

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He may be friends with his ex

Ex-spouses stay friends often. They have a lot of connections, common friends, common financial advisors, shared landscapers and house keepers. You should be impressed if your man can keep it amicable with his ex. It probably guarantees he was never abusive to her.

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His friends might not accept you out of loyalty to her

Some of his friends might seem uncomfortable around you because they feel like they’re betraying his ex by hanging out with you. Be patient with them; you’d behave the same way in their position.

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His friends may not accept you just because

Regardless of loyalty to your husband’s ex, his friends might just not want to get invested in a new woman. They might think this marriage will end in divorce, too.

He might not have many friends

A lot of people lose their friends after they get a divorce. They may have had all couples friends, and the friendships only worked when they were married. You and your boo may need to build a new social circle.

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Some people might mistake you for a mistress

He may have some aquaintances around town who never heard he got divorced. When they see you out together, they’ll assume you’re the mistress and behave really strangely.

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He’ll ease right into it

You may be prepared to be very excited about new married life. You’ll want to plan dinner parties and vacations as a new married couple. But your husband may ease right into day-to-day life. Married life isn’t a novelty to him.

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He might have some of her tastes

You may see some of his ex-wife’s tastes coming through in the way he selects plates, curtains, kitchen appliances, etc. Maybe you can just be grateful that somebody else already taught him about the value of a silverware organizer.

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Your friends will be wary of him

Your friends might be wary of your boo. They might think, “If he’s divorced once, what’s to stop him from doing it again?”

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He’ll keep habits from his first marriage

He may still like to go to all the same restaurants and hotels and bars and parks. That means you’ll have to explain to a lot of people who know him that you’re his new wife.

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He might scare from arguments

Your husband might have a little divorce PTSD. He might scare easily during your first few fights as a married couple, worrying that it’s all happening again.

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Some bachelorettes might still show up

Some women didn’t get the memo that he’s remarried, and they were very excited to hear that he was single. You may need to scare off some bachelorettes who were hoping for their turn.

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He may not be excited about home décor

If you move into his home, you may have to explain to him that it’s important to you to make your mark on the home. He has to at least feign interest in the wall colors you’re showing him.

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You’ll have a little divorce paranoia

You might worry that he can’t commit to marriage. It’s a perfectly normal fear to have. But really, the fact that he’s already been through a divorce means he took the decision of remarrying very seriously.