14 Signs Your Little Girl is Growing Up Too Fast
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It’s true: times are changing. Today’s teenage girls aren’t getting geeked over soda pop flavored first-kisses and soph-hops; they’re asking for party buses to their Super Sweet Sixteens and choosing Nuva Rings over promise rings. But that doesn’t mean that mothers don’t have some obligation to preserve their children’s innocence as long as possible. I can’t tell you how much I cringe when I hear about kindergarten proms and toddler pamper parties. And by pamper I mean foot massages and manicures, not diaper cakes. When my job recently threw a Halloween party for kids, I took all of the kitten heels and put them in a bag marked “inappropriate”. Your daughter has her whole adult life to be uncomfortable for fashion’s sake, why start before she can even read?
Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days where kids looked and acted like kids and not little adults. Just because the media wants to convince us that it’s OK for our little girls to act grown doesn’t mean it actually is. Here are some signs that your little girl is growing up too fast.
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1. Her friends are twice her age.
Who didn’t want to hang with the older girls when they were little? The older girls got to run the block with boys and had to hold their chest down when jumping double-dutch. I couldn’t wait until I had to hold my chest down. Little girls associate being older with being cooler, but the older crowd may influence them into situations that they aren’t mentally or emotionally equipped to handle.
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2. Her idea of dancing is twerking, booty popping or some other Ciara-inspired slipping and sliding.
How many times have you caught little Lee Lee getting fresh on the dance floor and instead of telling her to get her act right, auntie went and grabbed her camera phone instead? Let’s stop lying: it’s not just dancing. It’s simulating sex and by entertaining it, we’re just teaching our daughters dancing sexy gets you attention. I went to Catholic school and the nun wasn’t having all of that gyrating and grinding, and honestly even in my twenties it’s pathetic to see grown women in the club who know no other dance but the booty pop. Keep her little behind classy and regulated to the Cupid Shuffle.
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3. Her Christmas list included a Coach bag, an Ipad and a gift card to Victoria’s Secret for “perfume.”
This past holiday season when I heard of young people being killed over the latest Jordans all I could think is that as a parent it’s your role to teach your children what to value. If your daughter is in middle school, there is no reason why she should be asking for Victoria’s Secret thongs and purses that cost more than a car payment. Where is she going with all that and even better, why does she think brand names define her worth? Anything worth having is worth working hard for and at twelve she probably doesn’t have the maturity to be responsible for expensive items.
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5. Her idea of socializing is Facebook, Instagram and Twitter under the handle “Bad Bitch.”
When I was little we played Hide and Go Seek and hung out at the basketball court with the neighborhood kids. Nowadays all I see are teens and tweens alike with their heads buried in an Iphone making hundreds of “friends” they will never see. Then we wonder why they can’t properly communicate or are meeting grown men moonlighting as pre-pubescent boys. I wouldn’t let my daughter have a Facebook or Twitter account until high school and even then monitor the online reputation she is building for herself.
7. She’s hasn’t reached puberty but seems pre-occupied with having a big behind and breasts.
The cable video channels may get the after-school party started, but six out of the 10 videos they show on their countdown feature some video model with an inflated behind and 34 double D’s. Pretty soon, your adolescent will be waiting for her very own set to arrive. And unfortunately today’s media teaches if you ain’t got it, buy it…and get it injected in a seedy hotel room by someone whose medical background is limited to buying a box of band-aids.
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8. She’s already hinting at the tongue piercing and tattoo she wants for her Sweet 16.
Just yesterday I had a student tell me – in all of her tattooed and tongue-pierced glory – that her own child would not be allowed to alter their body until age eighteen (although she had started her “enhancing” her own at thirteen). A tween obsessed with altering her appearance may need to be taught how to appreciate her own natural beauty before poking needles into it.
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9. She doesn’t talk about who she is as much as who she wants to be like.
Today tween’s have Tumblr accounts plastered with pics of celebrities and their lifestyles, but nothing that relates to everything that’s great about their actual lives. Remind your little lady to take time to live and enjoy the life she has, and not be consumed by the spotlights and publicity of the life she thinks she wants.
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10. She thinks being video vixen is a good career goal.
I remember teaching a class and opening with the icebreaker, “What did you want to be when you were little?” and getting the response, “A stripper,” to which many other girls in the class agreed and laughed. True story. Today’s girls only see the glamour, money and swag-a-licious rapper boyfriends that come with being an exotic dancer or video vixen. There are plenty of women working the pole who end up never leaving that stage. Encourage her to explore career goals that will provide her with independence.
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11. She’s barely hit middle school and obsesses about boyfriends and baby names.
In high school, when I got a little self-confidence and some male attention, no one could tell me anything. We all get boy crazy, but if your tween’s curiosity in boys interferes with her grades and other interests, it’s time to have a talk about priorities. It’s okay to fantasize about the future, but picking out baby names and maternity clothes is not a good look for your middle-school daughter.
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13. She has adult responsibilities.
Unfortunately, when a young girl finds herself with parental responsibilities, she may rightfully think she has adult privileges as well. You can’t ask your young daughter to maintain a household, hold down a job and regularly take care of kids and then tell her to stay in a child’s place. If you don’t allow them the free time and non-commitment that comes with being a kid, you shouldn’t be surprised if they want to relieve adult stress in adult ways.
