How A Breakup Shows A Man’s True Colors

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Sometimes, deciding whether or not to end a relationship can be incredibly hard; there is a lot of bad, but there is also still a lot of good there. But sometimes, the way a man acts after you break up with him makes it so obvious that you made the right decision. In fact, often a man has personality traits (read: flaws) and bad habits that we think we’re just misinterpreting, but once we call it quits, we realize, “Oh. Nevermind. I totally called it.” That’s because people show their true colors when they’re under stress, in pain, or put through a sudden and difficult change. A breakup certainly fits all of that criteria, doesn’t it? Some women dangerously think, “I can judge the way he’s acting—everybody acts crazy after a breakup.” No. They don’t. And this is a very important time to pay attention to how he’s acting because if it’s ugly, don’t consider taking that man back. Here is how a breakup shows a man’s true colors.

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Does he avoid the breakup talk entirely?

Some men, when they sense you’re going to end things, avoid you entirely. They stop answering your calls, don’t return your emails, and overall try to “beat you to the punch” by disappearing. That shows you they have the maturity level of an 11-year-old.

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Or does he make the time for a real talk?

A mature man values every relationship that comes through his life, no matter how long it lasts. He values the time to evaluate it, reflect on it, and learn from it. And he definitely values the constructive criticism and input from someone who got to know him pretty well.

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Does he tell you to skip your BS speech?

Some guys will give you the time of day to break up with them, but when you try to start off nice and slow, they say, “Just cut the crap and dump me. I know you’re going to. I have places to be.” These men are angry people, and they only saw you in person for the selfish purpose of directing that anger towards you.

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Or does he appreciate the thought you put into this?

A really great guy will realize that it must not have been easy for you to come to this decision. He’ll be impressed by the fact that you were brave enough to have a face-to-face conversation, and that you were thoughtful enough to craft an understandable explanation.

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Does he spew pointless venom?

These are the worst type of dumpees—the guys who start spewing venom and throwing every insult they can at you. They’ll go so far as to tell you that you were bad in bed, that your breath smells, that you’ve gained weight and the list goes on. It should go without saying, that they don’t deserve another second of your time.

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Or just recognize you’re wrong for each other?

The extremely self-aware and well-adjusted man won’t think that anything is wrong with you or with him—he’ll just peacefully accept that you are wrong for each other, and that’s nobody’s fault.

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Does he take his gifts back?

Those men with enormous egos that I mentioned before—they’ll try to take their gifts back. If you won’t give the gifts back, they’ll threaten to hold some of the things you left at their place hostage. Yes. They are toddlers.

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Or does he give you a parting gift?

If you find this guy, keep him as a friend; he’s a rare type of human. Really solid guys will give you a parting gift. It could be as simple as treating you to lunch, but it’s their way of saying, “Thanks for letting me into your life for a bit.”

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Does he threaten your career?

If you were dating a misogynist/narcissist and didn’t know it, you’ll know it when he threatens your career. Those personality types need to always feel like they have power over women. When you dump them, their power feels threatened, so they threaten any sort of power you have—like your career.

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Or offer career help if you ever need it?

If you did work in the same industry as your ex, or he had connections that could be helpful to you, the kind and mature guy will say, “If you ever need help with anything feel free to reach out.”

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Does he try to get breakup sex?

This is usually the same personality type as the one who threatens your career—he wants to feel in control one last time. Typically, if you have breakup sex with this guy, he’ll insult you immediately after. It makes him feel like he won.

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Or does he give you a respectful hug?

There’s no comfortable form of affection after a breakup. There shouldn’t be! But normal, nice guys will make some effort. They won’t throw their hand up and say, “Peace!” They won’t give you some cold, passive aggressive handshake. They’ll give you a hug. You used to have sex, for goodness sake. You can hug.

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Does he start dating someone else right away?

Here’s that narcissist again. If he’s not a narcissist, he’s a serial monogamist. You might realize that you were just one in a string of hundreds of girlfriends because he was incapable of being alone.

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Or does he lay low?

So long as a man falls somewhere in the range of healthy human emotions, he’ll want to lay low after a breakup. Most people do, and that’s normal! A well-adjusted man takes time to heal before dating again.

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Does he put emotional/vindictive rants on Facebook?

Even if he doesn’t say your name, he is talking about you and you know it (and he knows you know it and he likes that). He writes posts about how “some people” just use men and “some women” are immature and can’t appreciate a good man when they have one. You’re that “someone” and he’s throwing a tantrum.

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Or does he shoot down the haters?

Men who are chivalrous and good to the bone will defend your honor, even after your breakup. If you ended things on good terms, your ex won’t allow for some Facebook comment like, “She was a b-tch anyway.” He’ll reply with something like, “No she was a great woman. We just weren’t right for each other.”

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