10 Reasons I Might Not Accept Your Friend Request

1- You’re holding wads of cash in your profile picture

I’m sorry. I can’t. I won’t. Not only is holding wads of cash tacky and indicative of an “ain’t used to nothin'” mentality, money is dirty! Why handle it more than you have to?  And speaking of handling money– am I the only one who’s seen people gripping bills in between their lips or teeth?!? What are you thinking?

2- You’re throwing up some gang affiliated sign in all seriousness

We’ve all taken pictures posing with what I refer to as the “hard” pose. Where you’re giving the camera your best thugged out, “I don’t give a what!” type of expression. But as the expression goes, “these is jokes.” When you’re really repping a gang on the Internet I have to be done. Not only are gangs so played out, they are the catalysts behind many of the ills in the black community. But beyond that it’s stupid to advertise your foolishness where everyone can see it.

3- You have your innocent child engaged in some type of ratchet activity

Lawd knows we can’t choose our parents. And unfortunately some parents specialize in involving their children in their trife life extracurriculars. You’re grown. If you want to piss your life away, by all means go ahead; but don’t, incorporate your child in the madness. Their life is their own. Try not to ruin it before they even get out the house.

4- You’ve said every four letter word known to man in your biography and throughout your wall but under your favorite quotes you have nothing but Bible verses   

No one’s a heathen all the time and no one’s a saint 7 days of the week but this clear disconnect in your online persona is sure to be reflected in your everyday life. Hypocrisy is not what’s hot.

5- “I don’t read” in your favorite books section

It hurts me that some people don’t enjoy reading but it’s a fact I’m learning to accept…begrudgingly. Even if you wouldn’t choose to read in your down time- the fact that you can’t think of a single book that you enjoyed is a red flag in my book. In this short time we have on this earth, we can’t possibly experience everything the world has to offer– books fill in those gaps.

6- Your status updates are constantly referring to the proverbial haters

We all have haters. They roam the earth among us. But if everyone you encounter is regarded as a hater. Then something is wrong. Some one who disagrees with you is not a hater. They just don’t agree with your thinking. And to that note, some people are trying to make you better. It’s not about them being jealous of what you’re doing at the current moment.

7- There are a series of statuses that detail your current relationship woes

If your boyfriend, husband, or baby daddy is working your last nerves– keep that mess to yourself. Facebook is NOT your digital diary. That information is stored forever and you never know who’s going to read it and at what time. If you absolutely must express a thought or feeling be slick with it– so no one knows who or what you’re referring to. Keep it classy!

8- You have a reputation for being nothing but a party promoter

Chances are I met you through a random, chance encounter. So I don’t frequent the same circles you do and I won’t be attending any of the parties, socials or “networking events” you’ll be hosting. You can take that as a standing “decline” for every invite you even anticipate sending to my inbox. I appreciate the hustle I just can’t support you through my attendance.

9- You’re flicking the camera off in every other shot

You are not a celebrity being followed around by the paparazzi. You and I both know it was your girl who took that picture. So what is the purpose of perpetrating like you’re anti life? Something about this visual just makes my stomach hurt. People who give me the finger, telling me to Fawk myself, are not my friends. Decline.

10- You’re trying, unashamedly, to get chose

This applies equally to men and women. It’s always apparent who’s trying to use Facebook as some type of dating service. If you’re taking vulgar pictures of yourself in the bed or bathroom,– I know what you’re doing and you look silly. If you send a message along with your friend request suggesting that we get to know each other better, I’ll take one look at your ridiculous default image and I’ll be forced to next you. Just stop!

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