Warning Signs Of An Eternal Bachelor - Page 3

Eternal bachelors are actually pretty easy to spot if you know what to look for. If you don’t know what to look for, though, you’ll be easily distracted by the way they remember details like the type of whiskey you like, or how charismatic they are, or how they strike that perfect balance of put together but disheveled in their clothing. Hey—I didn’t say they were eternally lonely. I said they were eternal bachelors, which implies that they do get some. They just get some from different women all of the time.

Bachelors are different from players, though, in the sense that they aren’t the one and done type. Eternal bachelors like mini-relationships. They like one to two-month rendezvous. And that’s why many unsuspecting women waste time on bachelors; they think, “He wants to go out a fourth time, so this must be going somewhere!” Nuh-uh. Here are 15 warning signs of an eternal bachelor.

He doesn’t know why his relationships ended

If you ask him why his last relationship ended he shrugs; he doesn’t know, and he has no interest in discussing it. He isn’t trying to learn about his relationships—he’s just trying to move through them.

He has nothing in his fridge

He’s not ashamed of it, either. He’s barely home so filling up his fridge makes no sense. He is usually off doing things like going to fancy boozy brunches or skydiving. Why fill the fridge?

He has no guest towels

He has no guest towels and only enough pillows for himself. He has one chair in his room. He has one chair at his dining room table. He sees no problem with any of this.

But he has specific items for women

Even though his fridge is empty, he has some interesting items that are clearly for women, in clearly hook-up scenarios. Like pina colada vodka or Cupcake wine.

His hobbies are like his career

He takes his hobbies very seriously. He has a budget for things like basketball leagues and video games. He has half-hour conference calls twice a week to plan brackets.

He has no close friends in relationships

He doesn’t have one close friend who is in a relationship. It’s a law of nature: men in committed relationships can’t keep bachelor friends around and bachelors don’t remain friends with married men for long.

He disappears, then treats you like the world

He disappears for weeks at a time, but he has very good excuses when he returns. And when he returns, he makes you feel like the only woman in the world. Only an eternal player can go in and out of your life with such artfulness.

He has no female friends

Eternal bachelors have no use for female friends. They only know how to speak to women if they’re trying to sleep with them. Plus, the few female friends they have had have tried to talk them into changing their ways, and they didn’t like that.

His concierge/door person gives you the look

His concierge or his neighbor gives you that look that says, “Another one, huh?”

His fitness routine trumps everything

He will not skip a workout or cut gym time short for movie time, a wedding party, a precious reservation—nothing. Eternal bachelors need to keep their fitness game on point. They’d rather lose a friend than an ab.

He won’t meet friends/coworkers/family

When you invite him to meet a friend, he says something like, “Oh. I don’t do friends.” But he’ll gladly meet you for a drink when you’re done seeing your friends.

Your dates aren’t conducive to conversation

Your dates are very active. You go to concerts, and you go white water rafting, but you don’t go to a quiet lounge where you can talk. He’s not trying to get to know you.