How To Keep Your Temper From Ruining Your Relationship - Page 5

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Fussing and fighting takes a lot of the positive energy out of a relationship. It also manages to leave you incredibly exhausted. When you focus on being mad, it’s harder to get to the real reasons behind your anger issues. When something is done that you don’t like, here comes the same old argument. Again. And if you have a real temper, those disagreements can turn the volume way up on your relationship and put it in a bad place.

So how can you dial down the drama? Controlling your temper and allowing it to take a back seat to your positive feelings for your partner can keep frustration from tearing you apart. Practice these calming techniques and you can keep your buttons from being pushed so easily.

From a simple “woosah” to a stress-relieving exercise program, these tools can keep us all from saying something we don’t mean when the moment gets heated.

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Record It

In the heat of the moment, every jab feels like fair play. But the next time you two get into it, turn on the camera. When your tempers have cooled, watch how you both acted. You may both decide that that’s not behavior you want to continue.

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Play a Game

It’s called “Don’t Be The First One to Take It to Level 10.” Both of you are to see how long you can talk about whatever issues you’re having while keeping your cool. If you don’t take it there, he might not either. Keep practicing until you’re a pro at keeping things low-key and see if he can follow along.

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Count to 10

And take deep breaths. Once you cool down, you can see where you are emotionally and calm down.

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Try to See Where He’s Coming From

Even if you don’t agree with the reason why he did what he did, understanding certain behaviors can help you both come to an understanding instead of just arguing all of the time. Be prepared to listen.

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Work It Out

Instead of letting your anger stew until he gets home, hit the treadmill. Burning off your excess energy might tone down your anger and keep the stress from a long day at work from adding fuel to the fire.

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Play Detective

And find out why you’re really mad. Hurt, disappointment and frustration like to hide behind anger. Figure out your real emotions and you two can discuss that without letting irritation get in the way.

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Don’t Let Them Push Your Buttons

If he’s trying to push your buttons, try not to take the bait. Ask him why he’s pushing them instead and he might confess to a bad day at work instead of starting and continuing an argument.

Practice the Diplomatic Approach

Take the high road by focusing on your emotions. Instead of pointing out that “You always do this!” try saying “When you do this I feel __.” That changes the conversation and works on improving things rather than pointing out each other’s flaws.

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Go to Bed Angry

Late-night fights when you’re sleep-deprived (or still turned up)? It’s a recipe for disaster. Ignore the old adage and table the argument for tomorrow when you’re both thinking more clearly.

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Get an Expert Opinion

Sick of fussing and fighting? A few sessions with a counselor or a book on conflict resolution can give you the tools you need to stay calm and talk things out.

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Tell Him You’re Working on It

And what he can do to help.

Give Him Fair Warning

If his behavior is taking you there, ask him to chill out for a minute so you can both calm down. Once you have, talk about what you are feeling and try to straighten things out.

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Think About How Important Your Relationship Is to You

That might help you refocus your anger and even quell it — or help you decide that maybe this heated love affair isn’t for you.