How To Make A Woman Feel Safe On A Date - Page 7

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With so many people meeting their dates online today, dating is affiliated with more than just excitement, butterflies, hopefulness, and curiosity—there’s also a little bit of fear. Even the dating websites that have thorough vetting processes and and require members to fill out long profiles for a high fee can still get some strange characters.

If you’re a man who dates online, you need to know that all of your dates arrive at your meeting place feeling cautious, and with their fight-or-flight instincts in full swing. They have to! So you have a larger job than just making a woman laugh, making a good impression, and planning a fun date. You also have to make a woman feel safe. You know that you’re a perfectly harmless guy, but she doesn’t know that until you show her. So gentlemen: here is how to make a woman feel safe on a first date.

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Talk as much as she wants before the date

If your date wants to talk on the phone before your date, you have to say yes. If she wants to talk on Skype to confirm that you look like your photo, you have to say yes. You need to agree to pretty much all of the pre-date communication that she wants. If you won’t, she’ll question your intentions.

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Be an open book

You probably have some things in your past that you’re not proud of—who doesn’t? If those things come up, you will have to divulge a little bit of information. If a woman knows almost nothing about you, and you say, “Can we move on to the next question?” during your first date or phone call, she’ll feel like you’re hiding something very bad. It’s better to tell her that you, for example, had a DUI once, rather than let her think you killed somebody. Yes—her imagination will run wild if you let it.

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Don’t make any attempts to get her address

Make it very clear that you do not need or want her address. This is something she should only give you after she’s really gotten to know you. If she needs you to pick her up, offer to pick her up at a coffee shop or public place that is walking distance from her home, to preserve her privacy.

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Don’t bring her a drink

Do not go to the bar, and bring her back a drink. Make sure she sees the bartender make all of her drinks, or pour all of her beer and wine. You put her in an uncomfortable position if she doesn’t know the origins of her drink.

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Don’t drink too much

You, as her date, should not drink too much. When you get too drunk, you make your date feel on edge, and constantly worry that you are about to do or say something inappropriate. She doesn’t know you at all yet so she doesn’t know how you’ll behave when you drink too much.

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Don’t become irritable

Even if your server or taxi driver is extremely rude, do not become irritable. Women are afraid of men who become easily irritable. Like I said—the situation might warrant you being irritable, but just for these first few dates, do your best always to stay calm and patient.

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Don’t bring her somewhere you know everybody

If you bring her to a bar where you know every bartender and server, that no longer feels like a public place to her—that sounds like a place where everybody is on your side, and could be your accomplice.

Don’t talk her into staying longer

When she says she is ready to go home, let her go. Don’t try to convince her to stay out later. If she doesn’t know you well yet, then you’ll only make her feel like you don’t respect her requests.

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Take her lead on touching

Be a master body language reader. Don’t just toss your arm around her ten minutes into the date, or when she has made no indication that she wants to be physically close. If you come in too hot with touching, she’ll feel like you don’t care about her needs/wants.

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Let her pick the place

Send her some options for date spots to show you put in the work, but then let her choose the place. Letting her decide on the date spot, and see the reviews and website, makes her feel in control of the evening, and shows her these are legitimate places.

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Don’t have a first date at midnight

Don’t have a first date at some absurd hour. Have dinner at a reasonable time. You may have a strange work schedule that doesn’t let you have dinner at a normal hour, that means you need to have a lunch or breakfast date. Just make sure your first date is at a normal time, so she doesn’t feel like it’s a segue to sex. or worse.

Don’t make sexual innuendos

Do not. Just don’t. You might not mean anything by it—you may just be a jokester–but remember she doesn’t know you. If you make a sexual innuendo on a first date, she will think you’re all about the sex.

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Talk about your friends/family/network

Don’t forget to tell her about yourself! You know it’s important to ask your date about her life, but if you forget to talk about your friends, family, and network she might question if you have those things. And then she’ll wonder why not?

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Don’t spend too much money

You are probably just trying to be generous and show her that money is no object on this date. But if you buy the $200 bottle of champagne on the first date, she feels like you’re trying to pressure her into sleeping with you.