Now that Hurricane Irene has officially ushered in cuffing season (that time of the year when everyone is booed up) you may find yourself going out on a few extra dates because everyone is looking for the next best thing they will never marry. Now common sense tells us that a not so hot first date is a telltale sign that you need not bark up said tree. But let’s be real, “Common sense ain’t common.”
So ladies, let’s look at a few first date red flags that should cancel out some would-be suitors, no matter how picky your girls think you’re being.
Asks you to pay or wants to go dutch
If a gentleman asks you out on a date, that gentleman has assumed responsibilities for the financial portion of the date. It’s no different than when a colleague asks you to lunch, proper etiquette says that they will pick up the bill. If the brother pulls a “Hey, you pay for you and I’ll pay for me” or even worse, a “Can you pay for us?”, well damn baby girl, you could have got food by yourself (and for less) instead of dealing with this buster (Dr. Dre accent). Don’t get me wrong, if I invite you to dinner and you want to get all fancy and head to Cipriani’s…Let me just remind you that a brother works for a non-profit; I’m not swinging like that on the first date. However, overall, it’s customary that fellas pick up the tab on the first date, anything else would be uncivilized.
Incessant phone use
We live in the smart phone era which means everybody and their grandmama has a phone that will allow you to email/Facebook/Tweet/instagram, hell some of these phones do FaceTime. But if he can’t put down the phone during a meal, Houston YOU have a problem. I’m guilty of checking my phone a lot sometimes–I’m not important I just live on my phone. But if you’re on a date and you’re constantly on your phone, that means there’s limited time for personal communication. A little human interaction never hurt anyone (well…nevermind). But why take it to a second date when you barely got to know him on the first; it’s probably going to be a waste of time.
Name dropping
So you wound up with Mr. Lame 101 and he wants to tell you about all the people he knows. The people his friends know and the lifestyles of the rich and famous that if you roll with him you’ll get to know. Unless you’re a pretentious, gold digging skeezer (90’s throwback) leave the incessant name dropper alone. He’s more flash than substance and nine times out of ten, your well rounded personality mixed with his pig-headed nonsense is a recipe for disaster.
Forces sex talk
Listen we all like a little freak talk. I know all of my favorite Adult Videos stars by name, no birthdays, but I can point them out when they’re in action. TMI. But talking about sex to death on the first date? That’s not a good look. I don’t think sex is off the table on the first date (see my piece on getting down on the first night), we’re all mature adults and sometimes topics like sex come up. But I’m talking about the brothers who are kinda creepy with how they keep trying to introduce sex into the conversation. You know, how big they are and can knock you off your feet (side note: big packages move in silence). The type of guy who is overly comfortable with asking you your favorite position, yet the two of you are barely through the appetizer. Get that nut outta here (mind out the gutter), you’re looking for a cuffing season buddy not a sweaty romp in his unkempt apartment later that night.
Unkempt brothas
Call me vain, but it’s not hard to get a shape-up, and it’s rather cheap; $10 on 146th and Amsterdam in Harlem to be specific. It’s the first date so the brother should look his best, because you only get one chance to make a first impression. A man who doesn’t care about his appearance should frighten you, because if he doesn’t care about himself or how he looks, how the hell can he care about you? By no means am I saying cut the brother off if he can’t afford a fitted Armani suit. But dusty, run-over kicks and questionable odors are very real reasons to get your best “Martin” impersonation on and say” GET TA STEPPIN!”
Not looking for a relationship
It’s 2011, who the hell is? My older sister has some very interesting advice that she shares with her close friends: Listen. Listen to what a man is saying. Watch his actions but listen to what he’s saying in the beginning because we brothas often tell on ourselves. If by the end of the first date the one thing you know for sure is how much this brother does not want a relationship, chuck up the deuces. You may not be ready for a relationship yet either, but was that the main topic of conversation for you? No. This brother is telling on himself. He doesn’t want much from you and is closed off in a way that a few dates or months of FWB (friends with benefits) treatment is not going to cure. Save yourself some time and heartache and file him under “do not answer.”
T.G.I. Friday’s for dinner
Really son? Friday’s? Are you looking for the twofer’s deal (or maybe that’s Applebee’s), or do you just love their Jack Daniels chicken and shrimp? There’s nothing wrong with Friday’s per se, besides the fact that it’s loud as hell and there’s a group of little leaguers sitting next to you having a food fight. Hopefully you’ve found a brother who is not lacking in the creativity department, because if he chooses Friday’s, he very much is. In the day of Google there’s no reason you can’t have some amazing walk through some beautiful park in Washington Heights or dinner at a small, quaint restaurant on the Upper West Side (affordable, but still, no Cipriani’s). If you like Friday’s, you can ignore this. But in 10 years when the two of you are obese, still unmarried with three obese kids having food fights in Friday’s with the little leaguers, I want you to remember that you could have chosen a better path.
What are some red flags that make you cut a dude off before the second date?
Email nativenotes at success.hiphop@gmail.com or follow him on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr and check out some his writings over at Notes of This Native Son
